Wish You Were Here

Part 6: Only Fools Fall For You

I think I slept for a long time, I also think girls weekend has been a goddamn mess. I'm familiar with the guilty feeling overtaking me the moment I open my eyes.

"Rach, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to fuck everything up." I shoot up in my bed, immediately trying to apologize to my best friend.

"You don't need to be sorry, Cass. That stupid fuck is the one who should be sorry." Her tone is cold. She sounds calm, but I know her, and she's pissed.

"I shouldn't have gone out, it wouldn't have happened." I groan and crawl out of bed to find aspirin and water.

"If he didn't stomp on your heart, and then leave you at that fucking club outside alone. I swear I'll kill him for that. You couldn't fucking walk straight when Ash brought you in, he saw you and just left." Her jaw is tight and I know she means what she's saying.

"Don't hurt him, Rach. He isn't worth it." I try to hide my emotion, but she always reads me too well.

"He isn't, but you are." The malice is gone as she says this, and I feel the cracks in my heart start to spread.

"When am I going to be enough, Ray?" As soon as I say it I break down. I throw myself onto her bed, sobbing every emotion out into one of the pillows.

"You've always been enough, more than enough. I'm so sorry, Cass. He's an idiot." She says quietly in an attempt to calm me down, but I won't. I have to get this out, I'm so hurt and angry. I decide not to argue with her about the fact that I'll never be enough to keep someone around. We've had the argument before and I'll never believe her, everyone always leaves except Rach. That's why I hold on to her like my life depends on it, because my life does depend on it. Without her I'd be alone, I like to think we're both lost without each other, but she isn't. She's never left me, but she will, because they always do. Everyone leaves.

"Please don't let him make you question how much you matter. I'm begging, Cass." It's too late though, the thoughts are here. I sniffle and cry some more until I go numb. I tell Rach I'm going to the hotel pool, which is true. I plan to drink it away as much as I can even though it's only noon.

I arrived at the pool, Rach didn't follow since she had plans with Ashton. She's so lucky, he's so interested in her and so sweet. I remove the coverup I wore to reveal my all black bikini. I hit the pool bar and ordered a double gin and tonic. There's hardly anyone here, so I spread out on a lounge chair and crack open my book. As a young adult writer, most of my favorite books are in that genre. They changed my life as a teenager, so I decided to read one of my favorites again.

I sit there reading for what feels like forever, I've been approached a few times, and had a few free drinks thrown my way. I happily accept free drinks since I'm a single woman, but I feel like shit knowing I'll just shoo the men away. I haven't even wanted to feel anything since my dad died. He was my best friend, and losing my mom, although she was always a bitch for lack of a better term, still hurt. I've broken and picked up my own pieces so many times and it really is getting exhausting. I'm not sure how much more I can take.

I head back up to the room once I notice a hint of sunburn. It was a few hours later, and I'm definitely drunk. I had plenty of free drinks from randoms, plus what I got myself. I wasn't counting, I just didn't want to keep feeling.

"No you listen to me you little.." I hear an angry Rach through the door as I approach. I couldn't decide if I should eavesdrop or just open the door. I settle on opening the door, she hates when I eavesdrop. I hear a few more curses and sour words before the door flies open right in front of me.

"Oh, Cass thank god." I really and truly have the urge to spit right in his face like I did to the guy last night.

"If you don't remove yourself I'll do it for you." Rachel says seething behind him. I push him back into the room and close the door.

I don't have a clear vision of my thoughts after drinking so much, but I really want to give him a piece of my mind.

"Listen here, and listen well. You can go fuck or fool around with as many girls as you want you glorious little rockstar. Just fuck off, I can't handle it." I manage to spew some things but not nearly as directly as I'd like.

"I don't care about them, I don't want those other girls. I want you." His tone is soft, but I want to kill him right now.

"Get out. Get the fuck out, Hemmings. I can't do whatever this is. I really almost believed you too." I scoff and push him towards the door.

"Cass, please." He begs,

"Don't fucking call me that. Don't call me Cass, don't call me anything at all. Just disappear for the love of god." My words start to slur and I curse myself for it, I knew I was drunk.

"Are you drunk right now?" He asks, shooting a look to Rach.

"Who fucking cares if I am?! You ruined my girls weekend and shattered my heart so yea I'm drunk in the middle of the afternoon." I yell at him with everything I have left.

"Baby, I never meant to-" I cut him off with a strong slap to his face.

"Don't you dare call me that. Get the fuck out I don't ever want to see you again." I reached my limit and lashed out. He brings a hand up to his cheek and I notice it's already turning red. He finally goes to the door and opens it, but before he leaves he weakly lets out,

"I'm so sorry."

The second the door slams I'm over the toilet violently puking out all of the hatred I have. I hate confrontation, and I hate heartbreak. It makes me so sick that he can affect me like this after a few days.

"I think we should go home." Rach whispers as she holds my hair, it hurts like hell.

"I'm so sorry." I tell her, but she won't hear it. She says I shouldn't be sorry, but I am sorry. I let him mess with my heart in just a few days.

"Please say you'll still talk to Ash." I beg of her as we check out one night early.

"Of course, I have his number. He's absolutely lovely." I nod and agree with her. We hear his voice just then through the lobby.

"Can I at least say goodbye?" He asks with a smile, and we both give in. After big hugs from Ashton, a cheek kiss for me, and a passionate kiss on the lips for Rach we say goodbye.

"Don't make me say it, C." She says after at least thirty minutes of us driving with the music at a normal volume, neither of us singing along. I don't respond

"This is the sixth year. We started this adventure for us, but you were always looking for Prince Charming in LA." I bury my face in my hands as she says it,

"You got him though, Rach." I try not to cry. Ash is definitely Prince Charming. He treated her like a princess from the first moment until the last. I just got played by his nasty band mate.

"I guess I did... I really like him , he's a good guy." I hum an agreement to her comment.

We drive the whole way home without another word.