Wish You Were Here

Never alone, never apart.

After I coaxed a terrified Michael back to sleep I got up. I knew I wouldn't go back to sleep, I never can after my nightmares. I passed Cal who slept peacefully on the couch, the sight of him making my chest burn with longing.

I slipped into the kitchen and went to the drawer that I knew he hid his pack of cigarettes. I don't care if he minds because in my current state I'm so angry at him for doing this to me.

So I take his stupid fucking cigarettes and his lighter to the backyard and I'll smoke as many as I want to.

I sit for a while with the wheels in my head turning, wondering if he really dumped me because I won't go with him. I don't understand him and why he's so willing to leave when I love him with every fiber of my being. It seems the only explanation is that he doesn't love me, and that alone feels like a knife being plunged into my chest.

My heart has taken quite the beating lately, more than I'd like to admit or feel. I don't know what to do without him, especially right now.

My thoughts are halted by the sound of the door sliding open.

"You scared the shit out of me kid." Michael's tired voice rings through my ears and I relax at the sound.

After that we don't speak for a while. He sits down next to me quietly, his eyes switching between me and the sky.

"Everything is so fucking upside down, Mikey. God a few months ago I thought I had shit figured out and I just lived my life and wrote my books and I was fine."

I let out a bitter laugh and took another drag. I can see the sadness taking over his face in my peripheral vision. I don't look up at him, I can't because if I do I'll fall apart all over again. Those sad green eyes always get me to open up and right now I want to keep it locked away.

"I-I thought I wasn't alone anymore, finally really not alone. When I had Calum I felt like I had my person but I don't understand how he could do this to me. I can't take much more, I was barely holding on already." I let out a frustrated sigh and bit my cheek to will away the tears pooling in my eyes again.

"You aren't alone, Cass. You never will be again because I'd have to be dead to ever leave you behind. I think I can say the same for Luke and Ash, you'll always have Rach too. As for Calum, I don't know where his head is at but I know he's fucking stupid for hurting you like this." He slings his arm over my shoulder, tugging me closer and tucking me into his side.

I knew that he was right. I have people that love me, and I love them more than anything. I've never had the kind of love or support like I have now and I'd move mountains for each of them if I had to.

I won't let my love for him be the thing that breaks me. My family will take care of me. My boys, and Rach would never let me fall apart over this.

"You have more strength in your little pinky than men like him have in their whole body."

I let the words echo in my mind. I promised myself I'd believe in my own strength and I'll be damned if another man takes any more away from me.

Without another thought I'm on my feet and stomping my cigarette out onto the patio. I throw the sliding door open with Michael hot on my heels following me into the kitchen. I threw his pack and lighted carelessly onto the counter and started filling a glass of water from the sink.

I spin around, still being followed by Michael like he's a lost puppy and walk straight to the couch.

Calum looks so peaceful in his sleep, what a shame.

I dump the full glass straight over his stupid face, gaining a gasp from Michael as the boy jumps up from the couch sputtering.

"You can have your bed. I'll be in Michael's room, asshole."