Wish You Were Here

Part 24: Is this love?

I had just finished drying my prior tears, and now my stomach is in knots again, and my heart is flipping inside out. I know he saw me pull in because he's switched his car off and the door is opened. He's yet to approach me, and I wonder if he's waiting for me to move first. I can't move, I feel glued to my seat, with my fingers ghostly white gripping the steering wheel. I stay there silently, watching as his door stays open, even once the rain picks up again.

I catch sight of a bright streak of lightning flashing through the sky, followed by a horribly loud crack of thunder that makes my heart jolt. There's a feeling somewhere deep inside of me, so deep that it's in my blood and my bones. It's a feeling that tells me my father is watching, that he's doing this. It hasn't rained on his birthday in so long, and he always loved the rain. He'd sit in an armchair that looked out of our bay window to watch the lightning strike as water slid down the glass.

Somehow I, a girl with a dad fascinated by storms, grew up terrified of them. When I was small he'd sit me in his lap while I cried over the loud thunder, and he'd tell me stories or read to me. He tried to coax the fear out of me by making the rain a time we spent together. It eventually worked and we put a second armchair in the room, right across from his. We'd sit together and read while listening to the sounds of water drops hitting glass. He'd laugh when a particularly loud cracking of thunder would make me jump, and I'd laugh too, sometimes throwing my book at him.

I feel it, he brought the rain for me. I bet he found her up there, and I bet he's kicking her ass in cards as we speak. He brought the rain, and I think he brought Calum too. My dad always knew exactly what I needed, and he never failed to cheer me up and dry my tears.

A tap on my window shocks me out of my thoughts. A soaking wet boy with sad brown eyes, and a hood haphazardly covering his hair is staring at me.

"Please."

I can't hear his words, but I could read his lips. His eyes are pleading with me as the rain comes down relentlessly. Without thinking I take the keys from the ignition and throw my door open, slamming it quickly. I grab his hand and turn to run up the steps, but something stops me. I'm freezing, we're both completely soaked to our skin, but warmth shoots through my body when I realize I'm holding his hand. I back us away from the stairs, away from the awning that would shelter us. I walk us to a spot where the rain can fall freely onto us, and pull his arm, moving him to stand directly in front of me.

I stare up at him. I don't care that he told me not to call, because I know he's stupid. I know he jumped to conclusions. I can feel it deep within me that he was scared. I'm scared too though, but I don't want to be afraid to love him. I don't want him to be afraid to love me.

My heart is hammering in my chest as I realize what I have to do. In one swift movement I close the space between us, throwing my arms around his neck. He responds immediately, tightly wrapping his arms around my waist. It's then as his chest collided with my own that I heard the loudest boom of thunder surround us. It was so loud that I felt the air shake, the kind that would make me jump, and my dad laugh. I don't fight the tears that slip down my cheeks, hidden by the rain.

My heart swells more than I thought possible, because this is my person. We've both been so stupid about it, trying to fight it.

No one in the world was ever so adamant about me conquering my fears than my dad was, and today he told me to stop fighting my feelings. He told me to hold on as tightly as I can to the man that I know I care about more than I could possibly imagine.

"I'm so sorry, Cass. I fucked up again... and I know I don't deserve you. I'm so sorry I shut you out again, I was scared you were leaving me and I couldn't stand to hear it." His lips are ghosting over my ear as he tries to speak over the sound of the rain. I heard every word he said, and I felt my breath catch in my throat, I can't believe he thought I'd leave him.