Wish You Were Here

Part 23: Back To You

I didn't wait until the next day. I frantically packed up everything I had and said goodbye to the other three and Rachel. I couldn't stay in that house with him so close after he looked at me like that and told me not to call.

It's a pain like nothing I've ever felt, having him so close but feeling light years away from. I think a part of me is gone, like it'll always be with him. It feels like something was physically ripped out of my chest because it hurt so bad.

I trudge up the stairs to my apartment after the long traffic filled drive. I can't fight the pain I'm in, hell it's burning me up inside. He makes Luke seem like a heartbreak practice round because I've never felt so broken.

There's no time to wallow right now though, there's too much to do.

—- — —-

*Calum's POV*

I'm dodging projectiles that the angriest Rachel I've ever seen is throwing my way.

"You fucking idiot." Her shrill scream rings through the living room as she picks up another item, this time a coaster and throws it at my head.

"You don't know ANYTHING! What is it with you boys and pushing her away without listening?! I'm going to fucking lose it."

She's been screaming, throwing things, pacing, and practically ripping her hair out for nearly an hour. At some point Ashton had to leave, per her direction, because he kept trying to calm her down.

"It's the worst week of her year, it always is. You wouldn't pull your head out of your ass long enough to listen though would you?!"

My heart sinks beneath the floor and my stomach flips. I hope to god I heard her words wrong, but her fire filled glare is telling me otherwise. I really messed up this time.

And with that I finally break down. I had been sulking in my room since Cass ran out until my door was thrown open by a blood hungry Rachel. A meeting was called downstairs, but it's mostly just her screaming at me while the other boys stare.

"You don't know half of the shit she's been through, Hood. I swear to fucking god you better fix this because I really thought you could be good for her. There's so much shit that's only her place to enlighten you on, and you have to wait for her to be ready. I'm not going to hold your fucking hand when you're navigating her trauma you have to trust her."

I have to fix this. It's so clear to me that I can't stand being without her but somehow I keep letting myself fuck it up. I let my fear and jealousy overpower what really matters, her. She's all that matters and I was too stupid to just shut up and listen.

"I'll do anything. Tell me what to do to fix this and I'll do it. Rachel, please I have to get her back."

That's how I ended up an hour later on the highway alone with her apartment address typed into my gps.

____ __

*Cass's POV*

My shaking legs carry me across the damp grass, past rows of all too familiar headstones. The air is cooler from a rainstorm that passed through last night, the sky shrouded in grey to match my mood.

I reach my destination, all of the usual items in hand.

"I'm early this year daddy. I'll come tomorrow too, but I wanted to see you right now. There's so much to catch you up on, you'll never believe these guys I met. I think they're my best friends now, along with Ray." I pause to choke out a few breaths,

"I still have Ray, she misses you too. Have you seen mom yet? I bet she went looking for you. I know she's missed you this whole time, I think she handled it so bad because she couldn't handle the pain of you being gone."

My voice is breaking already, and I begin to wipe the falling tears. I should have asked Calum to come here, my dad would've loved him and I know it. I've never let anyone but Ray and her parents out here though. I'm too fucking scared to let anyone see me here. I feel the familiar pain seering my chest as I stand out here alone, shivering and covered in a thin mist from the lingering rain and fog.

"I'll do my best with the candles, but it's wet this year... happy birthday, dad. I love you more than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow." The words are thick and heavy in my throat, weighing me down. I typically would have sat down on the grass, but with the rain this year I decided to stand. My body had other ideas as I crumpled down to my knees, leaning my forehead against the cold stone. Hot tears run endlessly down my face as I blow out the single candle on the cupcake I brought.

A loud crack of thunder brings me back to reality. It's almost as if the sky opened up as rain near instantly following the sound poured down. I bid him goodbye, placing the flowers down and promising to be back tomorrow. I'm running back to my car, weaving around headstones as fast as I can without falling. I open the door and clamber into the driver's seat as fast as I can before slamming it shut. I crank the heat up as I attempt to defrost my soaked body.

Tomorrow will be different. I'm not ready to go visit her yet, especially now that I'm staying away from LA... away from Cal.

I shake him from my thoughts, right now I have to get home. I need a hot shower and a moment to collect my overwhelming thoughts and emotions. I turn out of the all too familiar cemetery towards home, I hope it stays dry tomorrow.

By the time I reach my apartment the rain is no more than a drizzle again. I go to pull into my usual spot, but there's a car I recognize already parked in it.

My chest tightens so much that I'm no longer able to breathe.

He told me not to call, he wanted me to leave, so why the hell is he here?