Wish You Were Here

Part Sixteen: Stay

I slept for a few hours, and I felt more alive but not any better. I woke up to the bitter noise of my phone ringing, and groaned. I tried to release myself from Calum's grasp without waking him. He must be a heavy sleeper because he didn't seem phased at all.

I tiptoed out of the room with my phone, answering it once I gently closed the door to his room behind me.

"Hey, Rach." My voice is tired, and hoarse from crying. I'd hate to see what I look like right now if I sound this bad.

"Hey, honey. I've been texting and I got worried, you ok?" I feel myself soften slightly over her concern and I'm no longer angry that I was woken up.

"I'm sorry, Ray. It was a really long night so I had been sleeping. She passed early this morning and I've been a bit of a mess." I let out a sigh as I pace up and down the narrow hallway. I'm sure I won't be going back to sleep now, so I might as well fix myself up a bit.

"Oh, Cass I'm so sorry. Do you need anything?"

I do. I need the past 10 years of my life without her to be different. I need her to come back. I need for my dad to have never gotten sick, so she wouldn't have left. I'd have them both, I wouldn't have hated her so much for so long. I need to have had a relationship with my mother before I lost her.

"No, I'll be ok. Thanks, Ray. I'll see you when I'm home, I don't know when that will be though. I have to work some things out with Ron I think."

I bid her goodbye, and looked at the disheveled mess in the mirror. There's truly not much I can do to fix it, I didn't even bring anything with me. I splash my face with cold water a few times, and head for the stairs. I know my purse is around here somewhere.

I locate my purse by the door and search the pockets for a scrunchie, and my glasses. I pull my old contacts out, I hate sleeping in them but I wasn't thinking. I make my way to the kitchen, throwing my old contacts away in the trash bin. I put my hair up into a very messy bun since I didn't brush it and put on my glasses.

"Good morning, Cass." A chipper voice sounds from behind me and I nearly jump out of my skin. I thought I was alone down here.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you." I spin myself around to meet a familiar set of dimples and blue eyes.

"Hey, Lu." I greet him, turning back around to check the fridge for a drink.

"Calum told us about last night. I'm really sorry, Cass." I squeeze my eyes shut and take a breath. I'm not mad he told them, they should know why I showed back up hours after leaving.

"We uh.. lost her early this morning. I came here after to sleep a bit since I didn't really last night."

I settle for a bottle of water and turn back to see him staring back at me with sad eyes.

"I'm okay, Luke." I try to sound convincing, but I have no idea if I am okay.

He doesn't respond, he takes a few long strides towards me and engulfs me in a bone crushing hug. I wish it wasn't so familiar and comforting.

"You don't have to be okay, Cass. Not right now." He whispers,

I release my trembling lower lip from my teeth when he says it. It's not my job to be strong right now, I still feel like a burden but something about his words hit me where it hurt. I don't sob this time, but I let a few tears slip down my cheeks. It feels odd still to be finding comfort with Luke, but he's here and I won't lie and say it isn't helping. We hear someone cough near the door and pull away from each other.