𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐏 𝐌𝐄 :: 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣

二十八

*trigger warning! this chapter includes mentions of suicide attempt, homophobia and abuse!!*

september 13th, 2017
8:30pm

"do you feel better?" chan broke the silence that had been lingering around them for a long time now and softly placed his hand on minho's cheek, wiping away some dry tears. minho just hummed in response. his eyes were red and puffy and hurt like shit but he had been used to it.

chan sighed. he hated seeing the younger like this and now that he realized what his feelings towards the boy were, he felt even worse.

suddenly minho turned to look at chan, a slight, kinda saddened smile plastered on his face. "hyung"

chan looked back at the younger and hummed in response, a small frown making it's way on his face by hearing minho's cracked voice and shaky breath.

"do you still want to learn what happened?"

chan immediately nodded and tightened his grip on minho's waist. "of course i want to minnie. if you're ready of course."

"i am." minho said and let out a sigh, then looked down on his feet. ''i want you to promise me something first though."

chan's eyebrows furrowed in confusion but he nodded nonetheless.

"please promise me that you won't leave me after you learn the truth." minho started fidgeting with his fingers in nervousness. "i can't stand to lose you too. you are the only one i have."

chan's heart broke into a million pieces after minho's words. he felt the urge to engulf the boy in the tightest hug ever and hold him there forever.

"of course i won't leave you minnie. as i told you, you're not gonna get rid of me." chan replied and gently grabbed the boy's hand giving it a light squeeze. minho just sighed and squeezed chan's hand back.

"i had always been a mistake. my parents never wanted me. they already had a son they were really proud of and they weren't planning on having another child anytime soon. but one day they just forgot to use protection. and my mom got pregnant." minho's eyes got teary but he couldn't let his tears fall. he'd already cried many times.

"of course my dad asked her to get an abortion but my mom's parents were too religious and they would never let her do that. they were practically forced to keep me by my grandparents who were more than happy to get another grandchild. my brother was happy too. he always wanted a sibling. the only ones that weren't happy were my parents."

chan was listening to his words carefully. he felt pity for the boy but of course didn't show it. he knew minho didn't like it when people pitied him.

"when i was born, my mom just decided to give me to my grandparents since, as she said, she couldn't afford to raise another child and of course my father agreed to that. my grandparents accepted me and took me at their home when i was still some days old. my brother though didn't want to lose me so my parents agreed to let him visit me once a month. and that's what he did until i turned eight. that's when things became tough. my grandma died from a heart attack and my grandpa, not being able to accept her death, killed himself. and i was left alone again."

minho's grip on chan's hand tightened and his body started shaking. his eyes were more glossy than before. he was on the verge of breaking down again.

"my parents wanted to put me for adoption but my brother didn't allow that. he told them that if they gave me he'd leave too. and of course they would never want that to happen so they took me home. my brother always treated me well and took great care of me since my parents never bothered to do so. he was more like a parent for me than a brother. and thanks to him i felt that someone actually loved me.

some years later, when i was 15 and my brother 23, things got worse. my mom got diagnosed with cancer and the chances of her living were almost zero. my dad was devastated and my brother always tried to comfort both him and me. he had always been the strongest one.

and one day, my mom eventually died and that's when my dad lost it. he blamed everything on me and told me how much better their life would be without me. and i believed him. i believed that everything happened because of me and i started hating myself for what i did. i figured out that if i didn't exist things would be better and maybe my father would be happier as well."

minho's face was now covered in tears and his sobs kept increasing the more he talked.

"i decided to end my life. since i was the source of my family's problems i thought that killing myself would bring their happiness back. so one day when i was in school, i overdosed. i decided to do it there where no one actually acknowledged my existence so no one would try to stop me. but unfortunately, a teacher found me dying on the floor of my school's bathroom and quickly called the ambulance. they took me to the hospital and eventually saved me. and when i got stable, they tried calling my dad but he didn't pick up so they called my brother instead."

minho hid his face in his hands as he cried. he didn't want to look at chan, scared that the boy would be disgusted by him.

"m-my brother told them that he'd be there as soon as possible. but when he was in his car, driving to the hospital, another car fell on him and threw him at the other side of the road. h-he died immediately because he banged his head on the steering wheel.

once my dad found out what was happening, his hatred towards me of course grew even more. he was now blaming me for my brother's death as well but he was right this time. i should have been the one to die, not him. he didn't deserve to die but i did.

some days later, when i got out from the hospital, my dad had to take me home since he was practically the only one i had. none of us liked that idea of course but we couldn't do anything about it. my brother was now dead and we were told by the hospital that we both needed each other for emotional support. of course they didn't know that my dad hated me."

chan placed his hand on minho's back and started rubbing soothing circles on him, trying to calm him down. the boy was once again crying hysterically and his body was shaking too much.

"things were so bad when i stayed alone with my dad! he would get drunk and abuse me every day, telling me how i ruined his life and how much better everything would be without me. i couldn't even defend myself whenever he crossed the limit because i knew he was right. i did ruin his life. i was a mistake that ended up taking everything from him. and i kept making things worse for him. i did something that he'd tell me so many times in the past not to do. i did something that made him lose any sanity that he had left in him."

chan heard minho swallowing hard and taking a shaky breath before continuing.

"he found out that.. i am gay..."

~~~

heyyyy how are you???????

sooo now you know some things about minho's past.... the next chapter is gonna be a flashback from the day when minho's dad found out about his sexuality. and i will probably publish it soon! even today :)

anyways, i hope you guys liked this heh

and thank you for 4k views uwu
i love y'all so much <3
bye guys! stay safe~