Brave Hearts (Published Under LIB)

Kabanata 16

Kabanata 16

I only wished for a simple and happy life. Ang hiling ko lang naman ay maging mapayapa, ang magising sa bawat umaga at maging masaya kasama ang aking nanay—pero bakit ganito naman?

I never wanted to question God and His plans for me but...there will always be a time when your faith will start shaking.

Bakit naman po ganito, Panginoon? Bakit ako nahihirapan nang ganito?

"G-gusto ko lang naman po ng k-kaibigan, gusto ko lang po maging masaya," I whispered while I was alone inside the chapel where I decided to hide and cry.

My knees were wobbling as I knelt, weakened while staring helplessly at the altar. When I couldn't help myself anymore, nahulog ako ng upo sa lapag.

"H-help me, God," I whispered painfully. "I-I feel so lost."

I touched my chest, willing it stay brave. Medyo bumibilis na rin ang paghinga ko para maghabol ng hininga. Sa takot na mahimatay ako ay ipinikit ko ang mata, nag-exercise breathing para kontrolin.

Thankfully, no one entered the chapel after I left Heart.

I believed them, sobrang nagpasalamat akong may mga totoo na akong kaibigan pero...bakit naman gano'n?

I liked her so much, she was like the sister I never had. She said she'll be my human shield...pero how could she be my shield when she was the one who hurt me instead?

Kahit kailan ba 'di niya ako tinurong na kaibigan?

I trusted her...and Atlas too. I did love him, kahit mahirap at 'di kaya ng puso ko, tumibok iyon para sa kanya.

He was the man I wished to be with until the end, maybe, just in my head, maybe just in the pages of my diary but reality slapped, turns it's farfetched dream.

He made me feel like I was something. But he made me realize I was nothing.

I felt so bad about myself for not having a better judgment. If only I was just contented being alone, sana ay 'di ako masasaktan ng ganito.

I rested my back on the wall, slowly hugging my knees as I stared at the replica of the Almighty on the altar.

"H-hindi ko alam kung anong plano mo," I whispered as if He could hear me from above. "I-I trust you but please...I'm so lost, give me the strength to be brave."

Nakalabas na ako ng CSU na madilim na. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na nagtago at nagmukmok. Paglabas ay kitang-kita ko ang papalabas na buwan na natatakpan ng ulap.

The weather was gloomy, madilim, maulap. Walang buhay kagaya ko.

"O-oh, Amalia? Bakit ngayon ka lang?" ani ng guard nang makita akong palabas sa exit.

I was shocked but I flashed a small smile at him. Mabuti na lang din at hindi na masyadong namamaga ang mata ko.

"U-uh, may inasikaso lang po," marahang sabi ko.

"Oh? Napagabi ka, ah? Kanina ka pa hinahanap ng mga kaibigan mo," aniya at natahimik ako.

"S-sino po?" I asked.

"Uh, sina Heart?" aniya.

Kaibigan ko sila. Pero 'di naman nila ako tinuring na kaibigan.

"Gano'n po ba?" Matamlay akong ngumiti. "Magandang gabi po, uuna na ako."

"Sige, hija. Okay ka lang? Tamlay mo, ah?" aniya kaya mas nilakihan ko ang ngiti at tumawa pa.

"Ayos lang po ako,"