Commitment

Part 61

Mairie continued, "Her grandparents were lovely. Really kind." Mairie arched her back in an attempt to relieve some of the strain from her protruding belly. "But her parents always struck me as mean. If they came down with her, long weekends and stuff, they would tell her to make herself scarce, that she was underfoot."

Gray blinked in surprise, "What?" Victorian attitudes in this era?

Mairie bobbed her head, "Honestly. The first time we met Regan, Lucy, Jen and I found her by the stream, crying inside, if you know what I mean." She looked across at Gray and wondered if he understood. Maire continued, "I can't remember what it was about. But she was so unhappy. So miserable and so dejected. You could see it in her eyes." The memory surfaced, as she remembered Regan's face. Regan's eyes were flooded with tears, but her face was schooled not to show her fears. Where sadness was masked with embarrassment and fear. "You know, when you think you are alone and realise that someone is watching, it takes you from security to alarm. It leaves you in a vulnerable position." Mairie said softly, "So we tried to cheer her up. As young kids, pretending we were adults we asked her if she was lost? Was she hungry? And Regan was so bemused by the onslaught of questions she just remained mute!" Mairie smiled ruefully, "Typical Lucy, she insisted Regan came back to her place. Jen said her mum would look after her. And you know Lucy, once she sets her mind to something, it just happens. So we just reached for Regan's hands, pulled her up and practically dragged Regan to Lucy and Jen's home!"

"She came to the Jones' place."

Mairie nodded in remembrance. "I am not sure what Lucy told her mum, but her mum fussed over Regan." Mairie remembered how astonished Regan was when Alison wrapped her arms around her shoulder and just gave her a cuddle. Regan was so stiff at first, unsure what to do, and then she just allowed her to be held. " I remember Alison cuddled her. I now know, her parents never did that." Mairie smiled. "Alison was amazing. Within minutes, the sadness in Regan's eyes, evaporated. I guess that Alison recognised the sadness in Regan's eyes and what it masked beneath.  But you could see the sadness returning when it was time for Regan to go back to her place. Like peeling a scab, leaving the wound seeping."

Gray swallowed the lump in his throat. He narrowed his eyes, "Mairie, I get it, that you are supporting your friend, but..."

Mairie ignored his interruption. "When Regan came to stay for holidays with her grandparents without her parents, she was another person. As my sister, Alice, used to say, Regan was as mad as me and Lucy! But around her parents she wouldn't say boo to a goose. She would remain quiet. Would not say anything. Prim, solemn, earnest. " Mairie hesitated. "But here, with the Jones family, she would come in and get a cuddle from Lucy's mum. I always got the sense that being cuddled was a novel experience for her. The fact that someone really cared for her, that she didn't have to perfect, that someone would love her. That she mattered."

Gray poked his tongue in his cheek as he let those statements wash through his system.

Quietly, Mairie said, "I think she liked the fact that she could join in, with us, and if need be become filthy and get hugged!" Mairie smiled ruefully, "That her behaviour was fine, that she didn't have to be perfect. That someone loved her. That it didn't matter if she was grubby."

"Grubby?" He could not imagine Regan grubby until that evening where they wrestling in the paddock. The moment when she doused him with the hose, it squashed his previous assessment of her as a bluenose. Squealing, squawking and laughing as if she was having a wonderful time. They both laughed, despite the fact they were soaked, were wrestling in unknown soil pedigree, and the fact that they were close to kissing. And that scene was replayed in his mind, over and over. Like now.

Mairie missed the flush in Gray's neck and cheeks. "My impression was that her life in Auckland was very cold and starchy. I never actually spoke to her parents, but Lucy did. And Lucy thought, that they weren't into showing affection. Jen, Lucy and I came to the conclusion that they didn't want her around. So different to Lucy and Jenny childhood." Mairie sounded very sad.