Commitment

Part 88

For several seconds they both just stopped. Eyes had a conversation, while their tongues remained silent. Gray was tempted to keep pushing but he did not want to spook her, and he thought her eyes were considering telling him the truth.

Regan decided to shelve her pride. She wanted this man to like her, or at least recognise the fact that she had not deliberately taken advantage of him and his family, by paying him a measly wage and paying his grandfather nothing.

She inhaled, licked her lips, lifted her chin and looked at him, "You know I inherited this place with all the associated debts. I know Mairie explained this to you." She admitted.

Knowing that speaking about her state of affairs was a clear indication of just how low she was, mixed with the fact she wanted him to like her. She was barely staying afloat, with some careful management of her funds she had managed to hold onto the cattle. Beef and dairy. She had worked out a plan, before her exhaustion took over: The beef cattle she moved to new paddocks whenever she had the time, and they seemed to be ok and she milked the dairy herd twice a day. They were her literal cash cow.

But even that minimal attention to her herds was grinding her down. She was running of vapour. She knew she was exhausted, fitting in the farming and her shifts as a doctor, but there were no other options. Either her herds or her would be ill. Apparently her herds were more robust than her! That is why he found her on her knees last week.

But two days ago, there was a light at the end of the tunnel because her chat with him, showed there was someone for her. At the time, it felt like he cared, genuinely cared. But yesterday, she opened her fridge to find every shelf stocked. She asked Sam about it and offered to pay for the items they had bought. And Sam refused to tell her the cost. It was then that Regan realised they considered her a charity case. And it rendered her conversation with Gray to the charity bag. He stopped and sat with her because he felt sorry for her. But in her mind and heart, their conversation was precious.

"Why didn't you tell me that when we lived here?" Gray said quietly.

She shrugged. "When?" Standing this close to him was causing her equilibrium to become precarious.

"Anytime?" He asked and watched as she squirmed. "When I asked for stock you could have told me why you couldn't afford stock."

"We barely knew each other. I don't tell anyone, about my circumstances. Only the Jones family and my close friends."

He tried to keep the disdain out his voice, no point antagonizing Regan. "And I was not a friend." Not then, but now, surely he thought.

Regan nodded, then added as if it would matter to him, "Despite what you think. I don't spend my money on me. I don't have money to spend!" She grimaced as she realized she was going to become flustered, telling people about your financial situation was not good for your esteem.

"I know that. Now."

"I've sold the sheep and as you know I am thinking about selling the beef cattle," She stated coolly and then decided to just be honest. Regan glared at the ground. It was all well and good this being honest about stuff, but it really did leave one feeling vulnerable.

"You are thinking of selling the beef herd?"

She nodded.

"I thought you said you didn't have cash flow issue."

"I don't." She said with some measure of pride. "Not now."

"Then keep the beef."

"I can't." She replied serenely.

"Because?" He pushed.

"It needs work." She shrugged. "And I need a better work-personal life balance. I can afford Bob, so he would manage the dairy herd. I focus on my medical career, give me sometime for myself. If I kept the beef, I would have to merge the farm with the centre work. I overstretched me and my finance pot."