Splendiferous (Legazpi #1)

Fifty-nine

TRIGGER WARNING: loss / heavy heartbreak
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59.

"Do you need an embrace?" Elijah asked me when he noticed I'm not eating the food he got me from the food service of the hotel.

I'm just sitting on his bed, staring and holding the emerald necklace which I never let go ever since I went out of his house.

Out of my notice, he grabbed the necklace from me. Akala ko kung ano nang gagawin niya doon lalo na nang makita kong mataman niya akong tinignan bago muling ibinalik sa kwintas ang paningin. My heart started beating fast when he removed its clasp…

… and wore the necklace around my neck.

"It looks good on you.." he commented in a low voice.

My eyes shifted on the emerald that's above my chest, and suddenly, everything came back. His words… his feelings… all things he showed earlier. It all came back that I didn't realize I'm tearing up again.

"Please eat, hon. Don't make me worried about your health," he whispered. He took the utensils and he feed me though I couldn't get the energy to open my mouth.

It already took me an hour to finish half of the plate, partida kaunti pa ang pagkaing naroon ha. Walang wala na talaga akong gana, hindi na rin naman nagreklamo pa si Elijah nang umayaw na ako sa pagkain. He ate my leftovers.

"Take a rest," he told me in his most sincere tone. He just finished drinking two glasses of juice since I didn't drink mine.

"I can't rest…" I said while shaking my head and I bursted into my emotions. "I don't want to r-rest… I want to be near X-xavi.." I didn't get to finish saying his name because just by wording out that angelic name is breaking me into smaller pieces.

I don't know how to handle myself anymore. The pain I'm having towards the death of my child… and even the pain I'm experiencing because I'm also kicking his father out of my path… I don't know… they're already too much.. Too much to handle...

"Will you be able to rest if we go back there now?" Elijah asked softly and fondled my hair. "Promise me that you'll rest and not make your eyes remain open. Even just for a while, please.."

Desperated to see my son, I nodded in response to show that I agree with his condition. But deep inside, I know to myself that I will not even bother to blink my eye once I get to stare at my son's small golden coffin.

I already lost his presence, and if I close my eyes, I'm afraid that I might also lost the sight of his cold body once I open my eyes again.

Elijah made me stand up and accompanied me going to the bathroom. "Wash yourself, then call me if you're finished. I'll hand you your clothes."

Hinayaan kong balutin ng napakalamig na tubig ang aking buong katawan. Kasabay nang pagbagsak ng mga iyon ay ang pagbasak ng aking mga luha, hinang hina na ako't hindi ko na namalayang sumandal na ako sa tiled wall. Dinamdam ng aking likod ang lamig noon hanggang sa mapaupo na ako at ikinulong and mga mata sa aking braso habang tahimik na inilalabas ang lahat ng aking hinanakit.

I only stood up when I realized that this is just wasting my time. The longer I stay under the shower, the longer the time it will take me to get back to where Xavier is. I usually do a lot of things during my bath but I only sticked with applying shampoo on my hair and soap on my whole body without even scrubbing, parang nagpahid lang ako sa katawan at hinayaan nang banlawan iyon ng tubig na bumabagsak. Gusto ko na agad makatapos dito, gusto ko na agad umalis.