May we meet again (Clexa)

Chapter 7

Clarke got out of the Bus, was she really doing this, she thought to herself. Yes, she had too, if it meant getting the kids back, maybe even getting herself back too, would be good. She made her way to the small knee level gate and pushed it open, before going inside.

There was a reception area, a bunch of chairs against the walls and a bunch of people just lazing around.

She stood still for a minute, contemplating if she should move forward or go back home, it'd be so easy to just go home, the easy way out had been vodka and pills and she knew going back home would almost result in never seeing the kids, in death, she knew her organs weren't up to good level with the amount of substance she's been injesting.

She walked forward, foot after foot until she was face to face with a friendly face, the woman flashed a smile and looked up at her. "Checking in?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"Thought you were going to run back out again, that's what most do. I'm Gaya, and you are?"

"Clarke- Clarke Griffin. My mother has already paid for everything." The woman went to her computer, after clicking a few keys she smiled and signaled for a man to come forward.

"Well, Welcome to Safe Heaven. It seems you have a few months with us and therapy sessions with Dr Nylah three times a week." Clarke nodded, "This is Jackson, he'll help you find your room and introduce you to everyone."

Jackson led Clarke down the white hallway, she'd always hated white, it was way to boring, would it kill them to have a little bit of colour.

Despite her complaints she moved forward, ignoring the eyes on her, ignoring the screams coming from other rooms, she walked forward till Jackson came to a stop, he opened the door and she went inside, there was a girl sitting on one side.

She thought she would have her own room, never been one for sharing, but what could she do, complaining on he first day determined how well her stay would be for the next few months.

"This is Charlotte and she's your roommate, Charlotte meet Clarke."

Clarke turned her head to look at the girl, she barely looked up and she caught a barely audible "Hi." and the girl was busy again, sketching something in her book, Clarke would have guessed from the movement of her arm. She looked almost seventeen, Clarke wondered what had happened to land her here, she was just a kid.

The room was nothing but a white four walled room with two beds on opposite sides and two chairs and a desk on opposite sides and with that there was nothing else, not even a wardrobe.

"I'm going to need your phone, and to search your bag, for any things that may be harmful, Charlotte will show you where the showers are, and where you store your clothes."

Charlotte got to her feet and motioned with her head for Clarke to follow her, Clarke took out her phone and house keys, placing them on the bed before slipping out with the girl.

They went around the facility, checking out everything, the bathroom and lockers were two rooms away from them, there was also a game room, a computer room but only used with supervision, that made her happy, she could try to get her mother to find the kids and maybe establish a way to contact them, she just wanted to hear their voices.

"Just be nice to everyone and it'll be okay." Charlotte said, "Everyone." She clapped her hands, getting attention from everyone. "This is Clarke,"

Clarke didn't say anything, she just smiled and waved to everyone before she disappeared into her room. It was so weird not having something to calm her nerves with, she'd kill even for one pill, being here meant being open to herself, meant leaving her life behind.

She had listened as Charlotte came in, "Skipping supper is a bad idea." Charlotte whispered.

Clarke laid in her single, lost in thought how had she let herself go down this far, how had she managed to lose everything and everyone she had ever loved?

If she had had to guess she would say losing Lexa was the beginning of all the turmoil that had insured in her life.

Hopefully after she got out it would get better, life would get better and maybe life would go back to the way it was before, before the car accident but somehow that was impossible, life could never, not even in her dreams would it be the same again.

She was trapped in a four walled room with white walls and nowhere to get her next fix from. She missed the kids so much that it hurt, she even missed Wonder. She missed life before the car accident, she missed so many things she'd lost count, her friends, her mother, Lexa.

No one had warned her that her addiction meant losing everyone, her friends, family, career. She became someone totally different to how she was raised, raised with morality and integrity, but it's true what they say, we all have a monster that has been repressed and when it comes out to play, there's no stopping it.

Her life was just a memory, she was just a shell of a person. Everyone who once loved her must surely love her memory now for even when she looked herself in the mirror she knew she wouldn't love herself either.

"What's your addiction?" A voice broke Clarke out of her thoughts, a chance to escape her mind before she completely lost herself in there. When she was trapped in her mind, time had no limit, no boundaries, hours could turn into days just thinking, about everything and nothing all at once. When she was in too deep, only the pills and alcohol could help.

"Does it matter why I'm here?" She asked, sincerely.

"It does, the first thing the therapist asks is that, you have to admit you have a problem." Clarke pounded on what Charlotte had just told her.

How could she ever say it out loud, 5 years had passed and she had convinced herself she was fine, even with tears streaming down her face and a bottle of pills, ready to let go and just leave it all behind she never, not once admitted she had a problem. She was only here because of the kids, because of her mother, but maybe she had to want to be here for herself too.

"Like this," Charlotte sat crossed legged on her bed, facing her, "My name is Charlotte and I'm addicted to self harm and drugs, mainly cocaine because it makes me feel happy and cutting makes me feel alive, Physical pain is so much better than the demons in my head." Charlotte took a steadying breath as she met Clarke's eyes, "It's hard, too hard, but you can't give up."

"How do you know?" Clarke asked.

She felt it was the first time she was actually seeing Charlotte, who she was. She looked so young and yet here she was, her youth wasted and her dreams possibly shattered, her faith in humanity, she hoped at least that she would fix that, that this little girl hadn't lost her faith in humanity.

She wished she could tell her it gets better, but she knew she'd be lying, nothing gets better, you just learn to cope with all the pain, you learn to take the unbearable and make it bearable.

"How do you know its an addiction?" Charlotte scoffed.

"You never know it's an addiction until you try to stop." She whispered as she settled back down into a sleeping position, laying on her side, with her hands under her head.

"Get some sleep, tomorrow you'll wish you were never even born to begin with, when whatever substance you're addicted to leaves your system, your body will fight to survive but you must be willing to fight as well."

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Author's Note:

This is actually slower than I had inteded and only focuses on Clarke, but more characters will be introduced and their lives will be looked into in depth, Just a few more chapters