"Did you not see what your presence did to him...do you want him to die?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Win's POV
Prem's words still ringing in my ears, burrowing in the deepest pit in my heart. I don't want him to die, I'd rather be, than him. I did die two years ago after that incident, but I lived again the first time I saw him on campus.
--Flashback--
"Are you both ready?.....I will drive you to the restaurant and pick you up later." I heard Prem said when I was about to hop on my bike, he bowed to the two like a carriage driver of one fairy tale story with a teasing grin.
The guy with the ash blonde hair chuckled and looked my way, ....that's ....that's Team...
Oh...God he's back...he looked good, better.
~~~End of Flashback~~~
That was the first time I saw him again. I was so happy, I didn't know he studies here. Prem did not mention it even though we were on the same club. Then I remembered I was the cause of it all. He must have seen me that night, the next morning he talked to me....that was the first time he talked to me about something other than swimming...
"You...I know you saw him last night...you stay away...don't come near him ever..." Prem was furious and did not even let me speak..., he just stomped away after that.
I died that day, two years ago, in my heart and in my soul. My brain was the only thing that kept me going, I was just an empty shell of the boy I was. That day I died a hundred times but it was not enough to repay him.
I tried to live my life, but I was numbed. I want to feel pain, I want to feel his pain...
Tatoo shop, that's where I found release. It started with just a small patch and I felt some pain, but can't be compared to his. I added some more, bigger, longer bolder. Everytime I tried to add the pain grew more, but it did not match to his pain, until the wings on my back, it matched...I passed out. I found release, I moved on...but everytime I see my wings I wish that it was real so I could fly to him and show him how I feel, but I lost hope when we moved. I tried to move on again.
They adored me in the new school, they were amazed with my body, I dyed my hair just for kicks, and they lined up to kiss my feet. I found another release, I'm not without comfort every night I drowned my self in every girl or boy that would offer but I can't offer anything other than the momentary release. None can take my heart, coz I was without a heart.
My father said I was a rebel, my mother asked why I did that to myself and my brother said I was just crazy. I did not mind if they hate me I am without a soul.
I tried to get away again and went back to Bangkok, to study in the most sought after University. I took Economics, just for the heck of it. But I joined the swimming club just to drown the gnawing emptiness inside.
And on my second year, I was revived on the night when I saw him again. I kept my distance, avoided being seen but I was always around. Every time Prem would rush out, I would too, I dropped everything just to see him, that's the perks of being the Vice President of the swimming club, I can leave as I please. I would follow where they would go, just to see him, be with him from afar.
He was happy, I was glad even if it's not with me. When he was on a date, I was there, as if I was his date, I tried to feel how it felt to be with him, I lavish myself with his laughter, with his cute pout and with his sweetest smile.
Am I stalker, I think I am but without the harm, I just want to be with him, feel him, it's addicting but I am contented. I ended my nightly comfort, and entertained myself with his shots in the social media page, the usual stroll at night whenever he was on a date and all his daily activites, in the music club and round abouts. I'm just there from afar.
And this day came..I was contented with everything but when I saw him, my heart fluttered, it beats a hundred times faster, I was in awe when he looked at me in the eye, I thought finally, but then he slipped away and he drifted down right before my eyes, I could not move, I could not breathe, I could not think. Just before he fainted, I saw a glimpse of a smile from his lips, that brought my senses back and I saw him in Prems arms, I had to do something and I did.
But now I'm here outside of his door, I wanted to stay, I pleaded to stay but they told me I was the cause of it all....again.
But he smiled, I saw him smiled at me...I will hold on to that...I will wait...as long as it takes.
"I'll show you Boun, this is,not a fantasy...this is real...it is possible...we are possible."
I walked towards the door to exit the place. I took a cab to my dorm. I attached my phone to its charger. It should always be charged, always ready when they call for me to meet him. For now I laid on my bed and remember that faint smile and I etched it in my mind and my heart forever, that smile was for me. That should be enough for me for now, until that day comes that not only his smiles will be mine but all of him.
~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n
That's all for now.my LOVIES 😍
I know I'm spiralling, but still hope you like it.
Like and share and some comments please.
Thank you and take care always😘😘😘
