Little Miss Perfect ✔~ trixya

Chapter 4: In The Eyes Of God

Trixie

"Trixie? What do you think? Trix, are you even listening?" Farrah says, pulling me out of my thoughts. 

"Huh, what is it?" I reply as I put my books into my bag.

"Nevermind.. What's up with you?" She asks curiously.

"Oh nothing, I'm just not feeling so well." I say, quickly making up an excuse.

"Oh, okay then. Hope you feel better soon." The girl replies, dropping the subject as we exit the classroom and part ways.

Truth is, my mind has been filled by the pretty Russian girl all day...
I've been trying so hard not to think about her. Tried to force my brain to stop imagining how flexible she must be. Tried to stop myself from being intrigued and impressed by the fact that she was training for the Olympics. Tried not to think about the way her wet tounge licked her cherry red lips. Katya... even the name is fascinating.

Why am I like this?
What's wrong with me?

I shouldn't be having these thoughts...
I shouldn't be imagining what those red lips would feel like against my own, shouldn't be imagining those strong arms pulling me close, shouldn't be thinking about those long fingers going inside me. She's a sinner, she even shamelessly admitted to it, and yet that doesn't make me want her any less.

Why are her eyes so beautiful?
Why is her smile so bright?
Why must she seem so kind?

Stop it, Trixie. This is wrong.
God will hate you, your parents will disown you, you can't be... I'm not, I'm not.. that... I'm normal.

I take hold of my cross, needing the strenght and protection of my religion.

Jesus and God are the only ones who may hold my love, they are who my virgin soul belongs to, and I will keep my pledge to stay pure.
This is just a test. Yeah, that's all it is. God's testing me and my devotion to him because I've had doubts recently. I just have to stay strong and then all this will pass. These silly emotions, they're just delusions of grandeur. It's not real.

Katya may seem kind and intriguing but I see her for her true form, she is the snake in the Garden of Eden, tempting me to take a bite out of the apple. She is the devil's siren, singing me a song of deception to drown me, a spider trying to capture me in it's web.
No, I must resist. I am certain now, God's will is for me to resist this temptation and once that test is over I'll be free of all these confusing thoughts. I'll be safe in God's hands, and I'll be freed from this labyrinth of frightening emotions. 

Well, fortunately I believe, so I understand that it's wrong... lucky me...

I walk out of the school and there she is. I feel my heart speed up and I grip onto my cross harder, begging my heart to calm down. She mounts her motorbike, those strong thighs pressing against the side of it. She's the image of a bad girl, someone you know you should stay away from, and yet with every action she seems to pull me closer.
Her eyes catch mine and it is as if I can see the fire of desire in them. The devil's flame that burns inside her and attempts to devour my form, scorching my skin, undressing me greedily. Those ocean blue eyes that seem to glow red like embers as she smirks at me before driving away. 

Dear God, give me strenght to resist this temptress. Have mercy on me, I beg of you. Free me from this hell.
I can't be this. I won't be.
You can't have made me this... 
For what sin have I comitted to deserve this punishment?

Unless..
unless you don't exist at all, God...
The question fills me with fear and regret, just thinking it makes me feels as if my soul is being ripped to pieces, and suddenly it seems as if I am standing on a cliff, looking down on a dark abyss.

No, you must exist, you have to.
I live my life through you. 
All I've ever learned is to follow your bidding. All I've ever done is beg forgiveness for the sinful thoughts that have infiltrated my mind.

No, you must exist.

It has to be a test.
Please, let it be a test..

I'm usually good at those...