Little Miss Perfect ✔~ trixya

Chapter 27: Maybe Tomorrow

Trixie

Time ticks by slowly, and every day I feel everyone's watchful eyes on me.
Rumors have spread, most likely due to Jason, but they still couldn't hurt me much. Alyssa has kept me with her at all times outside of class, preaching God's wishes into my ear at every opportunity. I like Alyssa, but I hate how seriously she's been taking her task. Blair's also been helping her which isn't very helpful to me, but at least Blair seems to be less insane about me being damned to hell for what they've nicknamed my "mistake". Farrah doesn't really chime in much, she mainly stays out of it, whilst Courtney of course fights their opinions as much as she can despite me never actually admitting to her that I am gay.

Seeing Katya at school is torture.
We can't talk, we can't text, we can't meet up...

We can't even put notes in eachother's lockers because of Alyssa's iron grip on me. All we can do is give eachother longing stares in the hallways.

Everything still seems like a dream, or maybe a nightmare, and I'm begging for someone to wake me up. Waiting for someone to tell me it's not real.
I spend all day inside my small room, locked in with time and the memories of us and the hope of a better future. When I look outside my window everyone seems so happy, surrounded by bright flowers in full bloom. But I'm trapped inside glass like a girl in a snowglobe, constantly surrounded by a harsh winter as someone shakes up my world once more. Banging on the glass as I beg for someone to let me out. At least the pieces of our beautiful memories fly like glitter inside the globe along with the falling snow, warming my heart and protecting me from the freezing cold.

Maybe tomorrow our relationship will have a new start, or maybe the tomorrow after that. Maybe the days coming will be painful, but if I look into her eyes once again, I know I'll find the courage to wait another day. Even if we have to wait for love, I know we're making our way to eachother step by step. I'll stay the same even after countless seasons, just waiting to be wrapped up in her arms again so the cold can melt away. Hoping she will still love me. 

When I go to sleep I cling to my pillow, dreaming it's her. But when I wake up reality hits me. She isn't there in my arms, it's just soft fabric I'm hugging tightly as if it's my only lifeline. 
This road we're walking is hard and long, each week seeming like an eternity. I feel like I've lost everything. As my heart falls deeper and deeper in love, I cry alone from missing her, wondering if she misses me just as much. 

When graduation finally comes I'll be free to leave. I can only hope that my mom will either leave dad before that, or that she's ready to move far away from here once I'm done with school.

I'm leaving no matter what. There's multiple good schools that I know I'm likely going to get into, and staying anywhere near here for college is unthinkable. But I don't want to leave mom alone to pick up the pieces after I'm gone. She may have been distant for years, but when I needed her most, she stood by me. If I come out and leave, the entire town will shame her for failing as a mother. I know how they are, they gossip about everything. I don't want her to go through that.

"Hey Trixie." Courtney says as she sits down next to me in music class which we were both quite early for. Music is thankfully a subject that Alyssa doesn't have with me, allowing me some time to breathe.

"Hi Court."

"So, uhm, Katya asked me to give you this. I promise I haven't looked at what it says." She tells me as she hands me a note. 

I feel my heart beating faster and tears forming in my eyes as I open it, a bright smile forming on my lips as I read the words.

Hey Trix. I can't stand not being able to talk to you, so I had to send this through Courtney. I just want you to know, I love you. We can make it through this, just stay strong and soon we can run far away from here. My parents are moving to Boston, I'm planning on going with them. I know Harvard was your first choice, so if you get in, maybe that could be a good place for us? A new beginning? Mom and dad also want to help your mom with anything she might need to move away, so please know that we are all on your side. Remember to eat well, even tho I never do. Get enough rest, I know you always work too much. And by the way, you look beautiful today, you always do. 

"Thank you for getting this to me." I say, wiping away some tears. 

"You're welcome." She replies simply, not pushing for me to talk and not questioning my reaction.

"Courtney, you know, don't you?" 

"Know what?" She asks.

"That I'm gay."

"Well, no, not exactly. I assumed that you and Katya were more than just a mistake or one time thing, especially because of how you look at her and how she talks about you. But I didn't make assumptions regarding what your sexuality was. You could have been pan or bi or gay, or identified as something else entirely, and that's okay. Thank you for telling me tho, that takes bravery. I assume you struggled a lot with accepting it yourself." Courtney says, and I can't help but marvel at how openly she dicusses it.

"Ehm yeah, it was a lot.. I denied it for a long time, but Katya made me feel like it was okay. And you're right, it's way more. I love her and she loves me. We just gotta get out of this town so we can be together. I gotta get away from my dad." 

"Yeah, he really is a dick, isn't he? But I'm happy that you've found someone you love, you deserve it." She says, speaking softer as students start to fill the classroom.

"He is. Mom took it well tho, which was comforting. And thank you." I reply before we turn our attention towards our teacher.

That's at least one more person who knows. One more person at my side. And even better one person who Katya and I can safely communicate through.

The outside world that seemed so dark even in daylight is getting brighter as I know we are getting closer to being together after enduring this tangled time. And finally the long wait will be worth it.