Little Miss Perfect ✔~ trixya

Chapter 8: A Tangled Moment in Time

Trixie

She places her arm around my waist, and something inside me makes me want to stay in her arms. My skin tingles deliciously where her arm lays, a sensation I've never felt in the arms of any boy. Her other hand finds my hair, combing through it before it lands on my jaw, her thumb caressing my cheek.  Her eyes are filled with care, but there's an underlying hunger, like a predator waiting to capture it's prey. It feels dangerous, but I still want to dive into the water. She's like a rose and I am pricking myself willingly on her thorns.
The snake has me transfixed and the apple is too tempting to resist, and so I lean in and take a bite, my lips meeting hers in a desperate kiss.

Oh God, what I have done?
How will I ever stop now?

How can I pull back when the taste of her lips is so addicting?
The mixture of vodka and cigarettes so odly satisfying?

Oh Katya, pull me under, for I want to drown in you. Be rough, devour me completely, bury me in the sweet sensation of your kisses. Remove the imprint of other hands and let your touch be the only thing left on my body. Undress me like you've done with your eyes, don't let me protest, don't let me regret it, just let me disappear under your cloud of smoke. We don't need to know anything right now, let's just live simply. I won't worry if it's love, or let the complicated world outside the door break the moment. So just let our bodies overlap and then cover the dirty surroundings with cigarette smoke so no one can see. 

Her needy hands pull me closer as my arms wrap around her neck, desperate to feel the warmth of her body against mine.

Is this what it's supposed to feel like? This flame that burns inside me, begging for more, is that what people chase after?

And if we go further, does it grow?
Is that why people make such a big deal out of sex? 

"Trixie? Are you in there? Betty said she saw you running in here with some girl." I hear Alyssa's voice yell as she knocks on the door, jiggling the handle.

I pull away from the kiss in panic.
Oh my god, what have I done?
No.. no, this can't be happening.
Betty saw me running in with Katya.
What do I do? I can't risk falling off my throne... Okay.. It's gonna be okay, Trixie, just induce amnesia and deny the truth, rewind and erase this moment.

"Trixie?" Katya asks in a worried tone.

"Shhh, stay quiet. This never happened." I say firmly. Katya stands up to protest, but I quickly exit the room, closing the door in her face, finding Alyssa waiting for me on the outside.

"What were you doing in there girl?" Alyssa asks.

"Oh, nothing, just taking a break from the party. I don't know who Betty claims to have seen me with tho, 'cause I've been alone, but whatever. You know she loves starting drama, honey." I tell her, trying my best to seem cheery and normal.

"Oh gurl, she really does, but we aren't gonna entertain drama, chaos, confusion and madness. Anyways, the others are down in the living room, Farrah wants to do some drinking game, you know how she can be. You head downstairs, I need to find a mirror girl, I need to get up in this gig." She says in the way that only Alyssa can, but luckily she doesn't seem to question me further.

"Always and forever Alyssa Edwards." I say in a jokey tone as she finds her way towards the bathroom. 

I make my way outside, feeling in need of air. Once out there, I take a deep breath of relief.

Good job Trixie, no one knows.
You can back to being the perfect girl everyone expects you to be.
I let my fingers touch my lip, a tear falling down my cheek as I remember the warmth of Katya's soft, plump lips against mine. Sorrow filling me as I realise I'll never feel that again.

For a short second I had a taste of heaven.
For a short second all the pain and confusion was worth it.
For a short second life was wonderful to live.

But now it's back to reality, back to strict demands and high expectations, back to chasing after an impossible standard, back to forced dreams of marriage to a man and having two children.

But for a short second, for just a tiny moment in time, all that vanished and it was just me and her. And as much as I hate myself for it, I loved that moment.