Little Miss Perfect ✔~ trixya

Chapter 18: The Word Of God

Trixie

The church benches are uncomfortably hard. My Sunday dress this week is too small, but my mother insisted that I have been dressing to risqué lately. My father's grip on my mother's hand seems to be killing her inside. And Jason smiling at me from the bench across from ours makes me want to throw up. These are things that I would usually never give a second thought, but the minister's sermon has made me desperate to focus on anything but the words spewing out of his mouth.

"In these modern times we face many temptations, and we stray from the Lord's word. Our youth are of course the ones who may face these temptations the most. They may wish to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, but remember God punished Eve for listening to the snake. You must protect yourself, save yourself for marriage, keep pure like God intended. But perhaps the most poisonous and dangerous idea sweaping this once holy nation, is the openness towards laying with those of your own gender. Remember, we know what the Lord thinks of this. You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination. (Leviticus 18:22). And Leviticus teaches us more. It teaches; If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them. (Leviticus 20:13) Remember, this is not an opinion, this is not something to be argued, this is the Lord's word. This is what He himself teaches us. How our Father chooses to guide us. So head his word and do not fall into temptation." The minister speaks.

Is it too late to run?
Can I fake being sick?
Maybe I can stare at my darling boyfriend and make myself throw up? 

Last year I would have accepted this easily, but now, now I can't see it as anything but outdated and hateful.
Who are we to judge God's children
How can loving someone be wrong?
It harms no one. Their hate cause more harm than my love ever could.

We exit the church and my parents thank the priest for a lovely service, of course praising his well-written sermon. I force myself to smile as if I agree, missing the times when I was small enough to play around freely without anyone stopping me.

When I was little, I would sleep through sermons whilst sitting in my father's lap. At that time I was still his little princess. He was more loving back then. More interested in my mother, and more interested in our family. Now his gaze wanders, finding the breasts and asses of every pretty young woman in the congregation. 

He holds my mother's hand, smiling at the preacher whilst his eyes meet the eyes of the school's new english teacher. She's got dark hair, a slim physique, and a gaze that says "fuck me now". I know what happens next, mom does too, he slips his hand out from hers and excuses himself. 

Three.
Two.
One.

And there he goes.
Another young woman lured by a handsome, rich man with a lovely smile. He'll promise her forever, but he will never leave my mother.
It's all about keeping up appearances. That's the thing about living like we do, we all have secrets, but we know better than to break the illusion of our happy life.

"Are you okay, honey? You look a little pale." My mother says.

"I'm okay mama, just a little naucious." 

"Well, let's head home then." She replies, with the warmth of a loving mother, that always comes when I'm sick. She may have a lot of weaknesses, but whenever I'm feeling unwell, I can tell that she truly cares and worries for me. "Your father will be home later." She adds.

"I know." I mumble. 

I feel sorry for her.
She loves him, I know she does.
With all his flaws and all his affairs, she still loves him and every day she seems to die a little more. With every move and every breath it's clear that a part of her dies. He is vain and selfish, and all he does is constantly humiliate her. 

The people in town know.
How could they not?
And still they keep the charade going.

He comes back from his little ventures and smiles sweetly at her, makes up some excuse for why he's been gone, and she accepts it because she still hopes he will love her again.
But she knows he might have never truly loved her at all. Mom came from money, it was good business to marry her, and it was what everyone expected of the pair. He liked her at first, that much was clear, but she was younger then. 

I don't want a marriage like that.
I want to love someone and be loved in return. I want something real, and that's not something I'll ever find in this church. The only real thing about my life is Katya. She's the only one who brings out the person I truly am, and the person I want to be. I'd take that over what my parents have any day.