Loving Obsidian

Ch. 18 Lyanna / Elias

A / N: Happy Friday!

A little bit of the darker view of Lyanna and what she keeps locked up. It's the side of her that has not really been shown yet, but we all knew was there. 

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Lyanna

After waking form my final round of haunting dreams, well memories assaulting me in my dreams, I knew that I would not be able to find sleep again. It had been months since the last debilitating attack of memories had disturbed my sleep, weaseling their way into my active thoughts. Each time it ravished me completely and without regret, like a wildfire on the drought ridden California lands.

Achingly, I removed myself from my bath, not even bothering to dry myself before throwing a t-shirt over my head and flopping onto my bed. Every muscle in my body hurts, my brain a sluggish mess of emotions. The familiar feeling pressing down on my heart, was suffocating me, but I did not care I did not want to breath. I needed, no wanted, to just lay here in my own misery, retreating further from the realities of life. I stared at the wall, the blank wall next to my bed, if anyone were to see me right now they would think that I was studying the wall out of fascination, but it was really out of the fact that I could not want myself to move any of the muscles in my body.

For so long I had suppressed the memories of Jared, of the horrors that he had bestowed upon me, but now they played on repeat, my mind forcing me to relive them over and over. I laid there, I stared, tears fell from my eyes in a constant stream. As I wallowed, I felt an empty void in my mind where Obsidian usually was, yet it did not matter, nothing mattered right now.

Laying there I allowed everything to crush me, as if I had given it permission. I watched the shadows on my wall change as the day passed me by, trying to piece together what caused this harsh and steep fall into the abyss of my own broken mind. Without the witty and kind words of my wolf I was lost more than ever, only imagining that she too was feeling everything I was, which was allowing for the depressing mood to pull me under.

At some point, I am not really sure when, I drifted off into a listless sleep that could be better described as floating in a sea of black. Sharp words and quick memories crashed over me like the swells of the ocean, "Alpha's pet! HAHAHA.", "You should just kill yourself", "Lyanna, you have brought shame to us". The actual taunts stung the worst, "Feral! Feral! Feral wolf!" Words heard sung from pack members, my pack members that had once been my friends. Each thought pulling me out further out into the darkened sea.

The more I drifted, the less I cared. The less I cared, the less I felt. The less I felt, the further I drifted. Seconds, minutes, hours held no meaning it was just me and the black waters of my past. The only company were Depression and Loneliness, my old friends.

It started as a whisper, something I could barely even begin to hear, "Lee" A voice sang out to me. Soft, angelic, peaceful. None of which I wanted to hear, I wanted to be left in my self-created ocean of memories. The voice grew louder, almost like a lighthouse calling ships to land, "Lee." The voice sang out again. It was a strong pull, calling me back, beckoning me to swim ashore. I drifted. "Lee." The voice kept calling to me, each time the urgency and demand in the voice becoming stronger, but not fully reaching me because I didn't want it to.

The voice finally won out, bringing me back to the blank wall and traveling shadows. I blinked, "Lee, get up." Sid said, her own voice quiet and distressed. "We cannot do this again. You cannot do this again. Stop pushing me out!"

Sid was always stronger, always better. She was the one that always pulled me out of my own despair, refusing to give up on me. Never allowing me to fully give myself over to the darkness, it is what kept me alive all those years ago. It is what forced me to lock every thought of Jared away, it is what kept all the bad memories at bay.