Daddy Dearest

Chapter Twenty-Five

Ben

The Homecoming dance is in two weeks, after which I will depart Sacred Heart and start my new job at Mount Holyoke. Waverly and I have discussed that I should get a flat up there where I could stay some weeknights if I were too tired to drive home, so I'd have time to write. Mount Holyoke is fifty miles from where we live, and it would take me an hour to get there in the morning and an hour to drive back.

The older children were pleased with the news, but Madi and Noah seemed disappointed that I wouldn't be teaching at Sacred Heart anymore. As it turned out, Noah was looking forward to taking my classes when he was older. He was rather upset by the news and sulked in the den for a while. Waverly tried to soothe him, but he told her to go away because she was just making things worse.

"Your turn," my wife said, shaking her head.

"He'll get over it." I poured myself a serving of Harry's expensive scotch. I told Nancy I'd pick up the rest later--Harry had left me ten more--most likely while Melody was at school. "We coddle the children, Wave. You know we do. Noah sulks whenever he doesn't get what he wants, while Charlie shuts down. Let's not even talk about Madi."

Waverly took the glass I poured for her and sipped. "I have to say, Harry did love his Islays. You can practically chew the charbroiled steak in this one." She took another sip and sighed. "Madi has been a nightmare. The tantrum she threw at Costco last Saturday. Oh, God."

I winced in remembrance. Madi saw a giant six-foot teddy bear and wanted to take it home, but her mother and I decided it was too extravagant for everyday purchase. We tried to tell her it was a special occasion kind of gift, like for her birthday or Christmas, but she wouldn't hear it. She sat down on the floor, kicking her legs, and screamed, "I want it, I want the bear!" Waverly and I were horrified. We tried to pick her up from the floor, but she only got louder. "But we're rich! We can afford this bear! Daddy, I want the bear!"

People were staring at us and whispering to each other. An elderly woman came up and tried to help with Madi, but she was inconsolable. Finally, security came because the customers were worried and short of dragging Madi from the floor, we really couldn't do anything. Waverly told Madi that if she didn't stop crying, security would take her to Little Kid Jail, and that did it. But by then, Madi had been crying so long that she could barely speak and only hiccup.

We ended up buying the damn bear to make up for the inconvenience we caused the store and took Madi to an ice cream shop on our way home. We told Madi she couldn't have the bear until Christmas, which was two months away, but she could visit him from time to time in Daddy's office, where he'd be staying for a while. Now I have a giant teddy bear in my office smirking at me as a reminder of what an awful parent I've been.

"Madi's afraid we'll never see you anymore." Waverly reached out across the table and took my hand. "You have to do what's best for your career right now, darling. You're in the prime of your life. The children will understand. You need your own fulfillment, too."

My own fulfillment. I laughed at that. I didn't even know what that meant anymore. A slew of awards, maybe. I got the nominations but have only won a couple. A Pulitzer Prize would be nice. A Man Booker Prize would be grand. I wasn't as happy with my writing as I used to be, but I feel like I could get there again. The historical murder mysteries I've been writing for several years have been best-sellers and not without literary merit. Still, I don't feel like they're the best representation of my work. I have a beautiful wife who loves me, a promising job I'm about to start, and children who aren't always a pain in the arse, but there is also this sense of emptiness inside me that I don't know how to fill. I'm not happy, but not unhappy. I just can't remember the last time I felt lightning course through my veins.