21|twenty one

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"Abbeoji," a three year old JaeHwan pulled his father's ears, as he sat on his shoulders and looked at the world below him as absolute nothing. 

"Yes?" 

"What is love? Aunt said that it's the most beautiful thing." 

"Hmm…" His father fell in thought. "What is love, you ask?" 

Then the man replied, with unabashed confidence. "I don't know what love is, but it's certainly not the most beautiful thing." 

"Eh?"

"Your Eomma," DanTae smiled, "She's the most beautiful." 

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Sunday arrived faster than JaeHwan expected it to. His building anticipation had made it harder for him to even sit still throughout the week. JaeHwan had never been on a date before. A date. Just thinking about it made him feel all jittery and nervous inside. 

"That's right," he said to his reflection. "Let's act like this isn't a big deal. He's gonna be more nervous anyway." JaeHwan squeezed a small amount of hair gel and combed his fingers through his black hair, letting the strands fall across his forehead. JaeHwan was wearing his beige jacket that he had had dry cleaned three days ago, and he had borrowed a cologne from his father's collection. That did take a trip down to his mansion in Hannam Dong, though. 

"Young master, are you ready to leave?" Butler Lee knocked on the bathroom door. 

"Just a second," JaeHwan replied, and brushed his hand through his hair one more time. He then walked outside the door and fixed his cuffs, coming face to face with Butler Lee and asking him, "How do I look?" 

"Just as usual, young master." The balding man gave him a curt, emotionless bow and turned away, walking outside to the drawing room of the apartment. 

"Really? Not even a bit different?" JaeHwan's spirits fell. "That's okay though, it's nothing much. Just a stupid phone." In hindsight, JaeHwan's conscience was pricking at his nerves. But there was something about Tae Shin, out of context, just him, that made JaeHwan's heart flutter. Even for a fraction of a second. But Tae Shin made JaeHwan feel like he had never felt before. 

Feelings. Maybe, JaeHwan had a little crush on that boy. Maybe he could just enjoy his time and go out on a few dates, and then he would get over those ticklish sensations he got whenever he saw Shin. He gave JaeHwan a false sense of security and promise, and a glimmer of hope. 

JaeHwan sighed when the inevitable image of a three year old HwaShin resurfaced in his mind. He would be lying if he said he didn't think about those possibilities. HwaShin's ring was still in his wallet, a firm location, just behind his photograph. JaeHwan was living alongside a ghost, a haunt of a memory. Hanging on to something that no longer existed. 

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