1.1 | Desiderium ✓

73|seventy three

I should've never let him out of sight. 

It was my fault. 

But I just—

Couldn't save him. Even when I saw him snatched away from me right in front of me. So easily. 

And I could do nothing. 

Except watch and thrash my hands and feet, utterly at the mercy of those men who held me back… they wore black, that I remember, but I didn't see their faces. No, I didn't need to see them… not when the face I wanted to see was indistinguishable from skin and blood. 

His body was crooked at an inhuman angle. I didn't know it was a position a human body could be in until I saw him like that. Lying in a pool of his blood. 

I wished it was me instead of him. 

I wished it was me. 

"Is there anyone with a vendetta against him? Someone who would do that, presumably?" 

I shook my head. My Shin was the sweetest, most angelic human that was ever born. I couldn't even begin to imagine him harming anyone by accident. That boy apologized to stray dogs if he ran out of snacks to feed them … that silly mouse… 

"Student, listen here," Detective Oh snapped a finger in front of my face, "you'll need to testify as a witness. Do you understand what that means?" 

His name tag read Oh RaSol. He had a few grey hairs on his receding hairline, and his eyes were abnormally composed for someone who saw how brutally my Shin was beaten to the brink of death. And his composure was ticking my nerves off. How dare he stay so calm when my world had just collapsed in on itself. 

"Look, I understand what you're feeling," Detective Oh pinched his nose bridge, "it is a hard time…" 

I didn't hear what he said after that. I was lost when he said he could understand what I felt. He looked like he was in his forties, and his clothes told me his wife was a loving woman, and maybe he had a child the same age as Shin. 

Was he secretly glad that it was Shin instead of his child? 

How on earth could he ever understand what I felt? But my rage could wait. I had all the time in the world to get over my anger once Shin woke up. 

I just wanted him to wake up. 

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"Hey champ," that annoying doctor sat down beside me for the fifth time that week, "you've been sitting here for six hours here. Aren't you hungry?" 

Hungry? At that point I didn't even feel hungry. Eomma stopped by every two hours, leaving a box of food beside me. She said it would all be fine, and everything was going alright. But I could see that she cried at nights when no one was looking. Her eyes were constantly red and she hadn't washed her hair. She sat by me, held my hand, put her head on my shoulder, and averted her eyes when I tried to look at her. 

"Listen, uh…" He wet his lips before speaking, trying and making irrelevant sounds before getting the actual words out. I knew what he was doing. Giving himself time to form meaningful sentences. 

There was bad news. 

"So the good news is," he tried to chuckle, and failed miserably, "your friend is extremely lucky to be alive." 

My head shot up. Alive. Shin was going to live. But there was more to it. That doctor closed his eyes and sighed. His chest deflated and his shoulders caved in.