Operation: Pointed Spear

Preparations

Alik's pov
     I stood in the dorm staring at my rifle before I heard the door open and saw Monika walking in holding her elbow looking pretty depressed, I pulled the strap over my head and walked past her without saying a word. I heard her speak weakly "Alik...." as I closed the door behind me and walked down to the briefing room, I sat in the back row as far away from the rest of the team as I could before I pulled up my half mask and stared into space. The hurt from being called selfish after everything I've done for her continued to dig at me I pulled out a picture of my CTSFO team and sighed 'and then there were 3' I didn't look over when I heard the door or the chair scrape against the faded tile until I heard Monika "Alik, please. Let me explain" I heard Mike call over "let him have time, you're just going to make it worse" I saw her shadow slump as Six walked in and spoke "great news, we've got a location of IQ's mother and we're launching an operation to recover them. I want everyone in top condition"
       I looked at him bored as he spoke "the house is a 2 story farm on the outskirts of Chernobyl, just outside the exclusion zone. There's an estimated 20-40 masks on premise. Now Achilles, I want you especially alert, the emails we recovered from the laptop indicate the masks intend to capture you" I looked at him and chambered a round in my pistol responding "I'm not going alive" Monika gasped and spoke "Alik" as Six spoke sternly "that is a last resort, do not fire upon yourself unless there is no other viable means of escape, we clear?" I nodded as Six spoke "the helicopter is waiting, move out" I stood and started to walk away until Monika grabbed my elbow "Alik, just hear me out" I turned and asked "why? Do you have anything else to blame me for? Any more barbs to sink into me? Am I arrogant now? What do you want from me?" She looked down and spoke "es tut mir leid" I stared at her as she confessed "I'm sorry, I'm scared. I lost my family, I don't want to lose you too and then you put a gun to your head and told me to shoot and it scared me"
       I scoffed and pointed out "even when you're apologizing, you blame me. Good grief" as I turned and walked away. I heard Six start talking to her as I marched through the halls before climbing into the helicopter. I put in my ear buds and then on my noise canceling headphones and closed my eyes feeling the world and my problems slip away as the music replaced every destructive thought. I felt a presence move past me but paid no mind as I kept my eyes shut and felt the acceleration of the rotor blades until my stomach felt like it was shaken and then everything stabilized. I thought about the revelation the masks wanted to capture me as I asked myself, what did I do to capture their attention? Why me? I'm just an officer from London who was unlucky enough to be put on security for the fuckin olympics. I questioned myself until Thatcher tapped my knee getting me to open my eyes and look over with boredom and slight annoyance in my eyes as he handed me a radiation detector, I took it and clipped it to my jacket before leaning back again.
     I saw Thatcher look over at IQ and start talking as I continued my self appointed isolation, my chance at nirvana. I was glad I couldn't hear what they were saying, it had to of been over comms since you couldn't talk normally inside a helicopter. You'd have to write down what you wanted to say or scream directly into their ear. My thoughts were interrupted as Finka motioned my to put on my headset, I angrily muttered "what?" As a thatcher spoke "I've been talking to IQ...." I spoke right then "Grand, i don't want to know" as I pulled off my headset and went back to listening to the music. I saw Thatcher look over at an increasingly depressed IQ while I buried the feelings of longing and sadness, I hated seeing her sad but I was still pissed about being called selfish and her blatant disregard for the emotional trauma knowing you killed your friend had placed upon my conscience. I pulled down my half mask and lit a cigarette using the intoxicating sensation of nicotine to bury my emotions and accept the world as it is, that I was alone again.
I leaned over to Finka after writing down 'give me one of your frags, I'll give you a flash' she wrote back 'why?' As I responded 'it will take more masks with me if they're about to capture me' she handed me the frag before taking the notepad and handing it to IQ. I rolled my eyes and took a drag before clipping the frag to my plate's shoulder strap. I noticed IQ staring at me as pulse handed me a notepad 'don't go getting any ideas of suicide bombing' I wrote back 'relax, I'm not that hurt. It's just a precaution' as I stopped writing and only occasionally took drags of my cigarette listening to the music before I stomped it out and closed my eyes heading to get some rest before a definite exhausting mission. I felt tears slip out of the corners of my eyes, a feat i'd been holding back since she first stabbed my heart, I felt Finka move away from me only to be replaced another as I saw IQ's white sweatshirt sleeve appear in my vision before she pulled my head into her chest running her fingers through my hair.
      I sat up and looked at her with narrowed eyes suspecting a ploy to get me to forgive her as she handed me a notepad, I read it 'I'm sorry, I was a terrible friend. I didn't think about any of the pain you were going through and I haven't been there to support you. Please give me just one more chance, let me prove I'm sorry' I looked at her before writing back 'tell me why you fucked our trust, tell me why I'm still here crying at a broken cross. Tell me why everything I've done wasn't enough' she read it and looked at me and wrote down 'it was enough, it's been enough. I was being a stupid child trying to ignore my feeling and in the end I just hurt us both. I didn't mean to, I want to believe I'm strong enough to make the decision of who dies and lives but I'm not, I lied to myself and I lied to you. I never should've but I felt like I wasn't doing enough to protect my family.' I read her reply several times before I wrote one final message back 'I don't forgive you, but you're on the path. This is your last chance'
She nodded looking disheartened as I looked out the window and saw the ocean, I leaned against the side of the helicopter and closed my eyes just as the gunners test fired their minigun. I opened my eyes as the rest of the team jumped before the gunners laughed and I closed my eyes again. I slept for a couple hours until a spot of turbulence shook the helicopter waking everyone as the pilot reigned in the defiant helicopter which desperately tried to spin with the wind. Eventually we cleared the turbulence and I pulled on my helmet figuring it'd only be a couple hours until we reached the LZ. The rest of the team looked around nervous about the turbulence while Thatcher and I sat calmly, I shifted the position I was sitting at as I pulled out a book and started reading just looking for something to pass the time, I didn't hear it since I didn't have my headset on but the pilot had informed the team we were going to land and refuel. Eventually Thatcher handed me a notepad informing me causing me to sigh, it was a chance for the team to talk to me.
I thought about a song lyric as I felt us begin descending 'they say when you grow up, you'll understand when you're older... I guess I'm still a kid I don't know this' I looked up as the team filed out to stretch their legs before I pulled out a piece of paper and began writing a letter to my parents, I'd mail it once I got back to base. 'Hey mom and dad, I know you haven't heard from me in a while. I've been busy, I hope you're doing well. I got transferred to a different unit, although I suppose you won't care, hey dad are you still disappointed I'm a cop? Nevermind, we both know the answer to that. I was at that attack on the olympics, we lost 7 officers in that attack. I'm beginning to think you might have a point, being a cop is asking to die. I'll swing by the house when I get a day off, love you, Alik' I felt someone tap my shoulder and saw a Finka, I pulled my headphones back as she spoke "come on, we're grabbing some food"
I scooted from my seat leaving my headphones but keeping my earbuds in, I looked at the letter one more time before I folded it and put it in my breast pocket following the team and one of the Ukrainian soldiers through the complex to the mess hall. I grabbed a burger and chips before sitting down a table alone slowly eating. I looked around listening to the music until the team filled in the rest of the seats, I heard Thatcher "What were you writing lad?" I answered "nothing, don't worry about it" Pulse asked "was it a will?" I shook my head no "I've already written one, Thatcher has it" Finka spoke "stop interrogating him, it's obvious he wants to be left alone" I nodded and replied "thank you" as I turned up my music and started eating again. The team continued to talk while IQ sat quietly nibbling on the food. I finished my food and started walking away until Pulse asked "where are you going?" I replied "back to the chopper" I saw IQ stand and start walking after me as I gripped my wrist behind my back as I slowly marched back out to the airfield.
She grabbed me and spun me "do you even care if you come back?" I replied "of course I do, do you think I want to die?" She nodded and spoke exasperatedly "ja, kinda" I sighed as she asked powerlessly "why are you suddenly isolating yourself? Why do you keep preparing to die?" I looked out as I replied in agony "because I feel alone, I don't have anyone, I keep getting hurt every time I let people close" she gripped my face and made me look at her "you said I have one more chance, make it a fair one. I refuse to quit, I miss the days where we'd sit there and laugh and lean in each other up in the mountains, I miss when you'd cook and I'd sit on the counter singing along to the songs you played even though I didn't know the words. I miss those days, let me have a fair chance to get that back" I nodded subtly as she smiled a pained smile and spoke "let me earn my friend back, I can't do that if you're dead" I nodded and replied "okay, okay, I'll stay alive until you either accomplish your goal or fuck it up" she patted my cheek before I stepped back feeling her finger tips drag against my stubble as I slipped out of her reach turning and walking back to the helicopter while she watched my silhouette disappear into the pre-dusk shadows of the helicopter.