Wanderlust

I Should've Stayed

possible trigger warning? not quite sure tbh

POV Kate

What the actual fuck just happened? One minute I was blissfully sleeping in the safety of Meaghan’s embrace, and the next she was screaming at me like a psychopath and kicking me out of her house. The second I left her room, I slid down to the floor with my back against her bedroom door. I didn’t stay there for too long, just enough to collect my thoughts and try to process everything that was happening. Did she mean what she said? Does she really not want me to love her? Everyone wants to be loved, right? Maybe the people who try the hardest to push it away are the ones who need it most. It’s ironic, really. I can see the pain in her eyes, I can tell how broken she is. That had to have been hard for her to tell me, let alone go through, and I would give anything just to help her. I’d risk losing her just to go back and be there for her during these hard times, but for some reason, I didn’t. I didn’t turn around. I just kept walking until I was in the middle of the street somewhere in Illinois.

Instead of going back into her house and bursting into her room, holding her till she forces me to let go in hopes that it’ll help in some sort of twisted way, I called an uber. Well, I called Kylie, then I called an Uber. I needed my sister more than anything right now, and I knew that if I wanted to, I could go to Kasper’s house to be with Kylie, but I didn’t. I didn't want to be in Illinois any longer than I had to be. I just wanted to go home. So, instead of going to Kasper’s, I looked up the next flight, booked a ticket immediately, and got in the Uber to go to the airport. Kylie talked to me on the phone while I was waiting for the Uber, and I tried my best to hold back the tears, but they came crashing down anyways. Crashing down the same way Meg crashed her lips into mine. My cheeks turned red, not from blushing at her goofiness, but from the burning, icy sense of being numb that was overthrowing my body. My mouth hurt, not from smiling or biting my cheek like I did when Meg was up to one of her shenanigans, but from clenching my jaw in hopes that it would help me keep my cool.

The Uber arrived at Meaghan’s house and before I knew it, I was on the flight back to Georgia. A wave of disappointment came over me when I landed back home; I guess part of me wanted her to somehow show up and prove that she still loves me. But she didn’t. And she never would. It was over before it even began.

My mom spotted the tears in my eyes from across the airport. She picked me out of the crowd of people huddled around the luggage shoot, and as soon as I got my suitcase, I shuffled to where my beautiful mother was standing and collapsed into her arms. I felt like I did when I would fall off my bike when I was little. I’d come inside crying and my mom would just hold me until I was ready to let her clean my scraped knees and put bandages on my battle scars. She’d kiss my forehead and tell me I was a warrior. I don’t feel like a warrior. I feel like someone who just let the love of their life slip through their fingers because they were too stupid to stay, too scared to defy the other person’s yelling and distress. She’s hurting. I should’ve stayed. I should’ve been there for her, now she has to suffer alone. Meg says I don’t know her, but I know her enough to know that she’ll sit in her room for 2 weeks, skipping work, refusing to eat or shower, wearing the same outfit the whole time, rather than reach out to anyone for help or support. She’d rather watch herself fall apart, she’d rather allow herself to slip into the crack, than call on anyone for help. I should’ve stayed.

POV Meg

It’s been 5 hours since Kate left and I’m sitting on my bathroom floor with my shirt half on and my hair parted on the completely wrong side. I’m such a mess, I can’t even deny it anymore. I need to distract myself; I need to numb the pain. I jolted up and fixed my shirt before grabbing my car keys and driving to the nearest gas station. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I didn’t car. I just wanted the pain to stop. I pulled out my fake ID and bought a case of white claw and a bottle of vodka. I don’t usually drink both on the same night, but I needed to be more fucked up than I’ve ever been. I drove to the nearest park and downed two cans of white claws before chugging half the bottle of vodka. I felt more alive than I have in the longest time. I needed this. I needed this more than anything in the world.

My vision was blurry and my head was spinning, but suddenly a pair of headlights pulled up and I stopped dead in my tracks as I watched them get out of the vehicle.