Once More With Feeling ZAINTSEE AU

The letter

Matt,

There is so much I've wanted to say to you for so long. Its taken me an entire year of therapy to get to the point where I feel able to write it down like this. You almost ruined me Matt. I don't know if you even care but you need to know that you did. Almost. But you know something else you should know Matt? I'm strong, stronger than you will ever know. Not just physically but mentally too. Zee helped with both of those things and a million others, which is why I'm now at the point where I can see how toxic you were from the very beginning. The things you did to me over the course of the entire relationship but especially that night will always be there in the back of my mind, I don't think I'll ever be fully over them. But I know I'll survive. I'll survive the nightmares and flashbacks and all the other things that the PTSD throws at me. I'll survive because I'm strong now Matt, I can take care of myself, but because I have Zee and our family, I never have to. He loves me Matt, really truly loves me and it's nothing like the cheap imitation I had from you. God, he loves me so much I've almost stopped hating myself. And the funny thing is, he's always loved me this much. He's always been honest and vocal with his feelings it's just that recently they evolved and I finally learned how to accept them. He helped me build myself back up from the empty shell of a man that you left behind. But he didn't do it all, I worked so hard to get to where I am today Matt and I can honestly say I'm proud of myself. I hated you for what you did to me, almost as much as I hated myself for not being strong enough to walk away sooner. But I'm stronger now Matt, I might never get to the point where I forgive what you did to me but I don't hate you. My life is so full of love that I simply don't have the space to hate anyone. This letter is to say goodbye. Goodbye to you, to our awful excuse for a relationship and I guess goodbye to the old me, the me you almost ruined. So goodbye forever Matt, I'd say I wished you all the best but that would be a lie. Instead I'll wish that you will receive ten times of what ever you put out in to the world because I'm finally reaping what I sew and I couldn't be happier.

Saint

Matt read the letter over and over again, tears pouring down his face. Sitting in his cell day in day out for this last year had already changed him somewhat, but reading this from Saint was what finally made him realise what a truly pitiful human being he had been. He hated himself so much for all the terrible things he'd done and knew he had to change. It was too late for him to change for Saint, he knew his ex probably never wanted to see him again and honestly Matt couldn't blame him. Instead Matt decided to change for himself, so he could at least look at himself in the mirror without feeling sick. He knew he had a long way to go but he knew he had to try.