Once More With Feeling ZAINTSEE AU

What the Hell...

Saint was kissing Zee but it might as well have been punch, it was all about anger and pain without a hint of softness. He waited for Zee to respond. To hit him in anger or push him away in disgust or something. Saint needed a response, anything from Zee to prove he was as worthless as he felt, so he kissed harder biting Zee's lip and gripping Zee's hair harshly. But Zee remained completely stoic, not showing any emotion at all. Saint gave up and began lightly hitting Zee's chest "Why am I so broken Zee? Why can't you just hate me so I have no reason to carry on? Why do you have to make it so hard for me?" He ranted before collapsing in Zee's arms, sobbing.

Zee didn't speak or move until he was sure Saint was finished with what he needed to get off his chest. It took every ounce of strngth not to kiss Saint back the way he had in his dream. But if he ever acknowledged his desires, it wouldn't be this way. Saint looked up him tears still streaming down his face. "Why Zee? Why me?" He said all the anger clearly gone from his voice. Zee wiped away his tears. "We both know shit happens for no reason in this life. We can't control other people's actions only our own and how we react to them." He said stroking Saint's face. "You are a strong and beautiful person, who is dealing with this shitty situation the best way you can. I know this was just a slip up and nothing about how I feel for you has changed." Zee said honestly, nothing could ever change the love he felt for Saint.

"But I kissed you like that, I'm no better than Ma..." Saint couldn't finish his sentence because Zee put his hand over Saint's mouth. "Those two things are not comparable! What he tried to do to you was criminal. You told him to stop and he didn't right?" Zee said pausing to allow Saint to think about his question. Saint nodded sadly "Did I once tell you to stop or push you away Saint??" Saint looked away blushing at Zee's words, it was true, Zee never said or did anything to make him stop. Zee tipped Saint's chin up to look at him. "That wasn't how I imagined our first kiss would be at all, but it doesn't change how much I love you ok?" Zee realised he'd said to much when Saint's eyes almost burst out of his head.

"Anyway. It's getting late and we need to shower and eat so you should go to the house and get started." Zee said, mentally cursing himself for blurting out something like that. Saint was shocked by Zee's words but somehow feeling much better after venting and knowing he wasn't going to lose Zee. "Ok..." he said quietly, moving away from Zee and towards the house. "I'm so sorry." He said as he got to the door. "Thank you for loving me Zee, I love you with all of my heart." He finished then ran to the safety of the bathroom. Saint spent 5 minutes splashing water on his face trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. When that failed he decided to soak in the tub and go over the whole day in his mind.

The happy memories of the morning seemed somewhat tainted by that bastards presence and by his own weakness. The feeling of dread that filled him seeing him had genuinely shocked Saint to the core. He thought he could never experience the same terror he'd felt that night, but seeing him in the door way of his safe place had nearly destroyed him. He'd screamed and fell back on to the stair and that creep and come in spewing filth about him being a slut shacked up Zee who just wanted him for his ass. He put his hand upto try and protect himself as Matt had reached to grab his shirt and threatened to take him home and finish what he'd started that night. Saint could smell the alcohol wafting from all over him and felt like he was about to vomit when Zee had come and saved him.

All of that was clear in his mind as was everything up to his little breakdown. He let his head slip beneath the water for a second. What the hell had he been thinking? He meant everything he'd said but why the hell did have have to kiss Zee to prove his point? He knew wanted a reaction from Zee to justify giving up but how the hell did his brain immediately go to kissing? Why not just hit or kick him? He pulled his head up unable to think of an answer he actually liked. Then there was Zee's response to contemplate, what the hell did "...not how I imagined our first kiss..." mean exactly. Like did Zee just blurt something out that he didn't mean? Because the alternative was that he'd imagined them kissing and Saint wasn't sure what to do with that.

Then Saint's brain was flooded with memories of actually kissing Zee. Zee's mouth had been so soft and warm but unmoving, even when Saint had bit his lip hard enough to taste blood, Zee had remaineda statue, Saint had managed to memorise the entire kiss but it was lacking, he found himself wondering what it would have been like to kiss Zee under different circumstances which only worsened the current situation he was in of trying to work out what the hell was going on with him. He stomped out of the bath and threw on a towel, he'd decided he wasn't going to be weak and that meant facing problems head on. Saint decided that once he was dressed and they had eaten he and Zee would be having a lengthy discussion about what the hell had happened and what exactly Zee had meant by what he'd said. Well that was until he walked into the bedroom where Zee was standing naked except for his underwear and his brain melted.