Once More With Feeling ZAINTSEE AU

Good Morning!

True to his word Saint snuggled the shit out of Zee all night. Zee had woken up once or twice and Saint wouldn't let go. He basically had Zee pinned to the bed with one arm over his chest and one leg wrapped around his legs. Zee was concerned being this close might trigger something in Saint but then he thought back to what had happened before they went to sleep.

They were facing each other with one arm around each other and Saint was fidgeting like he was uncomfortable. "Are you ok?" Zee had asked worried Saint was starting another panic attack. "Yeahhh... It's just..." Saint said still fidgeting away "...Can i just..." he had continued whilst pushing Zee on his back. Saint had sat up and adjusted himself so he was curled into Zee's chest, then reached over and pulled Zee's arm around him. "That's better." Saint had said and Zee could feel him relaxing in his arms. Zee could feel himself relaxing too "I was worried in case the hug was bringing back memories..." he'd whispered into Saint's hair. Saint had huffed a sleepy laugh on to Zee's chest "Silly, your hugs never make me think of bad thing. They always make me feel safe." Saint said with a yawn. "I just wasn't close enough that's all..." Then he'd passed out.

Zee looked down at his friend and felt those weird butterflies return in his stomach but this time they spread up to his chest. He unconsciously hugged Saint tighter. "Think quieter. It's too early." Saint murmered snuggling into to Zee's chest. Zee checked the bedside clock it was 7AM so he guessed another hour wouldn't kill them. "Sorry." He whispered. He ignored the butterflies and focused on the feeling of being held and let himself be lulled back to sleep by Saint's rhythmic breathing.

When he woke up later that morning, Zee thanked God that there was none of the awkwardness from the day before so he was free to stay in bed without needing to rush off. He stretched slightly and felt Saint waking up, his long eyelashes tickling Zee's chest. "Mmm...Good morning..." Saint said stretching. "What's for breakfast?" He asked. Zee chuckled "The second you open your eyes, you think about food. That's got to be a record..." He said teasingly. This earned him a pinch to his side making him jump. "Oi! Keep still! I'm comfortable here, think about my poor face!" Saint said. He was trying to look innocent but there was a mischievous humour in his eyes. "Count yourself lucky, if you didn't have that sore face I'd be tickling the shit out of you!" Zee said with a grin. "But for now I think I'll withhold cooking..."

Saint sat up at that comment. "Noooooo!" He said "That's a violation of my human rights!" Pretending to cry. "Fine..." said Zee sighing. "But only because I don't want to deal with your moaning." He said leaving and heading to the kitchen. It was weird but this was the happiest Zee'd been in a long time. Spending time with Saint always cheered him up and since he'd been with that bastard, they'd barely got to spend time together alone. He whipped up a quick fruit salad breakfast and some croissants for them with coffee of course, then headed back to the bedroom. While they we eating Zee decided to broach the subject of getting Saint help. "So..." he began trying to be as delicate as possible. "About last night..." Zee said struggling to find the right words. Saint looked puzzled for a moment then said. "Yeah the hugging was awesome and I didn't have a single nightmare. Do you think we can do it every night til I'm feeling better?" Zee's eyes popped open so wide he worried they'd fall out. "No!" He shouted wanting to explain himself. He immediately saw Saint's face fall. "I mean yes to the awesome hugging thing but no I was talking about if you thought about speaking to the doctor about the panic attacks..."

Zee didn't think he'd ever spoken so fast. Saint's face changed from a frown to a smile then back to what Zee would call a hmmm face. "Will you stay with me while I talk to them and did you mean that we can cuddle til I'm better?" Saint asked. "Of course!" Zee answered quickly. "I mean of course about the doctors..." he took a breath then continued more quietly "and yes we can cuddle." He finished feeling shy. Saint was satisfied with that answer so he said "Let me finish eating and then I'll call ok." Saint was nervous about having to talk about that night again but he knew with Zee beside him he could get through anything.

Saint finished his last sip of coffee. "Pass me your phone please." He said. He hoped he sounded braver than he felt. Zee sat right next to him and passed him the phone, taking Saint's hand in his. "I'm right here." He said. Saint dialled his doctors number and spoke to the receptionist. "We've already spoken to the hospital and Dr Walker was expecting your call." They said before patching him through. Thankfully Dr Walker already knew about his injuries and about how they happened. All he wanted to know was how the attacks were affecting Saint and how he would rate them on a scale of one to ten. When Saint answered the Doctor prescribed him some anxiety medication that he could take if he felt a bad attack coming on and offered to refer him for counselling so he could talk through everything that happened and what he could do to deal with the attacks without relying on medication. Saint thanked the Doctor for the medication and told him he would think about the counselling.

Although he thankfully didn't have to relive that night, by the end of the call Saint was still trembling. As soon he had ended the call Zee put his arms out and offered Saint a hug, which he had gratefully accepted. "I'm so proud of you Saint." Zee whispered in his ear. "This must be so hard for you but you're being so brave by asking for help." Saint scoffed at his words until Zee said "You know I'm speaking from experience Saint. When I needed antidepressants after... it took you months to convince me to get help from someone who wasn't you or Ma! You did it after one conversation. So stop belittling what you've done because asking for help is fucking difficult." Zee told him in no uncertain terms. Saint hugged Zee tighter and allowed a few tears to fall. "You make me brave..." he whispered. "So thank you."