Once More With Feeling ZAINTSEE AU

Bedtime

Getting ready for bed was a real chore. Saint felt like his body was made of lead and every movement was so much effort. By the time Zee had helped him to reach the bedroom he felt as though he might collapse. Thankfully he made it to the bed before his legs gave out but unfortunately that meant he pulled Zee down on top of him. Zee managed to put his arms out before he actually hit Saint and Saint thanked his lucky stars because Zee was not a light guy and the way he was already aching, just the thought of Zee's weight on top of him was enough to make him want to cry in pain. Sainthad closed his eyes to brace for the impact and when he finally dared to open them Zee was just inches away from his face.

"Sorry." He said pulling himself up. "I tried to keep my balance but I failed. Did I hurt you? Or scare you? I'm so so sorry!" Zee said looking for any signs of pain on Saint's face. "Zee I'm OK, I know you'd never hurt me and if you did it wouldn't be intentionally." Saint instinctively cupped Zee's face to make sure he was paying attention to his words. "I promise I'm OK." He said stroking Zee's cheek softly. Zee got a weird feeling in his stomach, like butterflies and had to move away before it overwhelmed him. "I'm glad" Zee said as he stood up. He helped Saint to sit up then said "I'll just go get your tablets then you can get in bed." And walked out of the room.

Saint sat on the bed trying to figure out what had just happened. Zee's face went from concerned to confused in seconds then he seemed desperate to get out of the room.  Maybe it was just him being paranoid he thought to himself. That was probably it. Saint was exhausted but now he was about to get in bed, he was terrified. A million thoughts buzzed around his head, what if Matt broke in, what if he snuck past Zee's room and got Saint alone, what if... "Here you go Saint..." Zee said interrupting his thoughts. "Please don't leave me!" Saint blurted out with out thinking. He could feel his breathing starting to change and was scared another panic attack was coming. Zee placed down the water and pills and took hold of Saint's hands. "Hey I'm here OK. I won't go anywhere I promise. You're safe." Just hearing those words made Saint begin to relax. "That's it Saint, just breathe." He said slowly. "Brilliant."

They just sat for a while, Saint holding on to Zee's hand like a life line while trying to keep his breathing steady. "I'm sorry Zee. I hate making you worry." Saint said sadly. Zee let go with one hand and mimicked Saint's early action and stroked his cheek. "Of course I'm going to worry! Even when you're fine I worry, that's just how it is when you love someone." He said truthfully. Saint leaned into his palm and kissed Zee's wrist. "What would I do without you?" He asked. Zee felt those butterflies again and had to break what ever  was happening. "You would have to find someone to cook for you!" He joked, moving over to get the tablets. He handed Saint the pills and then the water and waited til he'd taken them before taking away the glass.

Zee helped Saint get in bed then went to leave, eager to get some time on his own. "Ok, Good night Saint." He said walking towards the door. "Wait! Zee you promised you wouldn't leave me!" Saint said sounding dejected. Zee had forgotten his earlier promise til that moment. "I'm just going to the bathroom." He fibbed "I'll be right back I promise." He turned to look at Saint to make sure he was ok. Saint smiled weakly "Ok," he said. He was about to switch off the light but Saint asked him to leave it. Zee left the room and headed to the bathroom. He wished he knew what was going on with him, it was driving him crazy whatever it was. He washed his face and brushed his teeth before heading back to his room, hoping that Saint would be asleep.

Saint was waiting for Zee in bed still wide awake, something felt off about Zee today, he thought. He tried to convince himself it was just because Zee was worried about him but it felt weird. Zee came back in the room and turned off the light before climbing into bed next to Saint. He lay on his back and stared at the ceiling unsure if he should speak or not. "Goodnight Saint." He said in a whisper. "Zee are you mad at me?" Saint asked. "I know I'm a lot of hard work and I'm sorry for worrying you but please don't hate me." He said feeling the urge to cry. Zee rolled over immediately, this was exactly what he didn't want. "No! Please believe me Saint I'm not mad at you. If I'm mad at anyone other than that bastard it's myself." A tear rolled down Saint's cheek. "So you don't hate me?" He said with a sniff. "I could never hate you!" Zee said firmly.

"If that's true, please stop being mad at yourself for something you had no control over!" Saint said scooting closer. "My brain is already kind of fucked up Zee, and even though you say it's not me that's annoying you, it's hard for me to believe when you're being weird with me." Zee felt horrible for making Saint worry about him when he was already dealing with so much. "I will, I promise. I'm sorry for making you worry, please forgive me?" Zee asked pulling his best puppy dog face. Saint slapped his arm gently. "I'll forgive you on 2 conditions, 1 you stop that stupid face." He said with a smile. Then quieter he added "and 2, hold me til i fall asleep?" He tried to not look at Zee then finished "But I'll accept you just doing the first one if you don't want to do the second..." Zee knew what he had to do, he needed a hug just as bad as Saint did. "How about til I fall asleep? If you want to snuggle after that you'll have to just hold on." He said with a cheeky wink. Saint grinned at Zee's reply. "Don't underestimate me Koala. I will snuggle the shit out of you!" He said moving in closer and into Zee's open arms.