39. These four walls

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I stumbled back to Sway, unable to stay in Nick's room without him. When I walked in I was instantly being hit by Bryce's body, in a big hug.
"How you doin?" He asked as I wrapped my arms around him.
"I'm okay. He left this morning." I replied, holding back any more tears.
"I know. It's gonna suck for a while, but you're strong. You can get through it." He replied, squeezing me briefly as I nodded.
"Thanks Bryce." I replied, pulling away from the hug.
"We were gonna watch a movie, you in?" He asked, me shaking my head in response.
"Nah, I think I'm just going to go up to my room. Be alone for a little while." I denied, giving him a small smile.
"Okay, text me if you need anything." He offered and I nodded.
"I will, thanks." I walked up to my room, throwing on one of Nick's hoodies before climbing into bed, turning on my tv and watching Friends. At 9:30, I changed into some sweatpants, leaving Nick's hoodie on before leaving the house and driving towards the studio, picking up a couple of coffees on the way.

"Hey." Trent smiled as I walked in, handing him his coffee.
"Hey." I replied, sitting down on the sofa as he started working.
"How's the boyfriend?" He asked, me shaking me head in response.
"I don't want to talk about it." I replied, rolling my head back on the couch.
"Another fight?" He asked, rolling around to face me.
"Ah, we broke up. He moved to Florida." I replied holding back any more tears.
"Oh, sorry. Um, let's just get to work then. Take your mind off it." He offered and I nodded, walking over to the chair next to him.
"Thanks." I smiled softly.

--
We finished in the studio, so I decided to go home.
"Hey do you want to come back to mine? For a drink or something?" Trent offered as we walked out of the studio.
"Thanks, but I think I'll just go home." I replied, him nodding slightly.
"Yeah okay. Call me if you need anything." He offered and I nodded.
"Thanks, I will." I smiled back before walking over to my car. As I sat inside, my phone buzzed from my back pocket. I had a text from Josh.

-
Joshy: Can u pick up some pizza for dinner? Theres 5 of us
Ronnie: Yeah I can, be there in 20
-

I picked up some pizza before driving back to Sway, walking inside to where Josh, Ryland, Bryce, Addison and Nessa were watching 'Just Go With It', it was only just starting so I decided to join. I walked over, sitting next to Ryland on our own couch, Nessa and Josh were on their own one and Bryce and Addi were sitting on the third one.
"How was your day?" Ryland asked and I shrugged.
"Hard. How is he?" I asked as Ryland's phone buzzed, he pulled it out to see a text from Nick.
"He's good, he loves his new house, but misses everyone." He replied and I nodded.
"That's good." I whispered, turning my attention back to the tv. After a few minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder, glancing up to see Bryce standing there, whiteclaw in hand. He handed me the claw and I thanked him, opening it and drinking it down in a couple mouthfuls.
"Oh, we getting fucked up tonight. Okay, let's fucking do it." Josh laughed, running to the kitchen, returning with more whiteclaws for everyone. 
"Oh I forgot, guys my song comes out a week from today." I informed and everyone congratulated me.
"Proud of you little sis." Josh smiled, giving me a hug.
"Thanks Joshy." I replied before pulling out my phone.

--

572,092 likesronnierichards 'Flicker' out next week

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572,092 likes
ronnierichards 'Flicker' out next week. Give it a listen <3

8,209 comments
avani OMG SO EXCITEDDDDDD
-> ronnierichards avani love u bby

trent_mc It's sounding so good, im keen
-> ronnierichards trent_mc it's only sounding good bc of u, thx

nickaustin I'll be listening
-> ronnierichards nickaustin u better be

user4 YAY!!!! AH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR EVEZRRRR

rylandstorms can't wait ron weasly, it's been a long time coming
-> ronnierichards rylandstorms ur telling me

joshrichards proud of u ronnie xx
-> ronnierichards joshrichards luv u josho

charlidamelio WHAT WHY DIDNT I KNOW ABOUT THIS!?!?!
-> ronnierichards charlidamelio teehee

user9 ew, i can already tell it's going to suck

noahbeck yooo, prouuuuuuuuuuudddddddd
-> ronnierichards noahbeck thanks thick neck bish

addisonrae awwww, she a business womaaannnn
-> ronnierichards addisonrae #grown

cynthiaparkerrr cant wait to hear it, luv u ronnie
-> ronnierichards cynthiaparker luv u two xx

user7 idk how to feel ab this, like is she just doing this cuz her bro is famous

--

After a couple (and by a couple, I mean a lot) more whiteclaws, my head was fully clouded. It was 2:30 am, so 5:30 am in Florida. I walked up the stairs, collapsing on my bed as I pulled out my phone, dialling Nick's number. I waited for the ring, but there was no answer, so I waited for the beep.
"Hey, Nick. Its Ronnie." I slurred, as I felt a tear fall down my cheek. "I, uh, had a few to drink tonight. I wanted to tell you that, uh, I do love you. I miss you already. But if you come back for like a weekend or whatever, I don't want to spend time with you, it's going to be too hard to say goodbye to yo again. So I guess, this is it. This is the last you'll hear from me. Bye Nick."

I took a shower before walking over to my bed, opening my computer before there was a knock at my door. Josh entered, with a pill and a glass of water.
"You're not going back to that place. Here you have to take these." He insisted, handing me my sleeping pill to take.
"Thanks Joshy." I replied, giving him a small hug before closing my computer again.

--
I had to work the next night at the bar, I changed into some baggy jeans and a tight tank top. Before walking over to the bar, when I entered I could see a table with Ryland, Trent and Noah, waiting for me to perform. I walked up to the stage, picking up the guitar as I sat down on the single stool.

"Hi everyone, my name is Ronnie Richards and I'm going to sing some songs. Flicker is released in a week. Please check it out on all platforms. This first song is a new one I've written recently about someone who was important to me and left my life. It's called 'These Four Walls'." I introduced before strumming the melody on the guitar, holding back my emotions as I started to sing, "I feel so numb, staring at the shower wall. It's begun, the feeling that the end has come. And now the water's cold. I tried to eat today, but the lump in my throat got in the way. In this time I've lost all sense of pride, I've called a hundred times. If I hear your voice I'll be fine. And I, I can't come alive, I want the room to take me under. 'Cause I can't help but wonder, what if I had one more night for goodbye? If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep. These four walls and me. I lay in bed, can't seem to leave your side. Your pillow's wet, from all these tears I've cried, I won't say goodbye. I tried to smile today, then I realized there's no point anyway..."

I finished my set, leaving the stage and walking down to where the boys were sitting.
"I see you guys have met Trent." I smiled as I sat down in front of the vodka martini.
"Yeah, he's a cool guy." Noah agreed and Ryland nodded.
"That new song was amazing." Ryland said, giving me a small smile.
"Thanks, I haven't really been in the mood to sing any happy songs lately." I replied, taking a sip of my drink.
"Yeah we understand. But it was still good." Noah smiled, giving my hand a light squeeze.

Fuck I miss him being here to watch me sing.

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