Intentions | Jason McCann |

Chapter 18 - Shower Talk

| Savanna |

The night felt incredibly long. I showered away the sweat from dancing and the tears from well... Jason. I felt a little better knowing I was clean and to make myself feel better, I wore a very cute pyjama set. It was a cropped tank top with matching pink shorts, my exterior felt cute but my interior felt horrible.

It sucked that I wasn't at home, in the comfort of my own bed probably getting told off for sneaking out by my parents.

It didn't help that I could not stop thinking about Jason, despite how tonight went. He was toxic, the way he treated me was somewhat abusive some may say because he was just so rough with me. He would shove me, push me, grab my body as if I were a rag doll to be pulled around, he did this out of anger and he didn't think it was wrong. I knew it was wrong, I knew he was abusing me and treating me badly whenever he was angry; which most of the time, but, I let him. I tensed up around him, showing him that he had some kind of affect on me. I felt shivers down my spine and stuttered when he spoke to me, because he was just so intimidating, it was almost impossible to make eye contact with him, let alone hold it for longer than a few seconds. He knew exactly what he was doing though, he knew I was intimidated by his stare and the way he looked at me from head to toe, not caring for anybody around him or even me. He would talk to me with little to no emotion, as if I didn't deserve real answers or actual conversation.

He was just so confusing.

He wanted to protect me, he literally punched a guy tonight who wanted to dance with me but he was the one who put me in that position in the first place, just to prove a point. Jason was obviously very used to getting his way, teaching people a lesson and taking lead which is probably why he did the same with me but I don't know... it was like he was hiding his real feelings.

The sexual tension between us was hard to deny, it was there, whether he liked it or not, it was present. I would look at him and he'd already be watching me, the way he looked at me from head to toe, scanning my body as if it were his... there was no way I could deny how much tension we had between us.

But he was denying it, avoiding it and projecting his anger towards me because he knew he felt more for me than he was letting on. How could we go from literally making out in my parents' garage to him wanting nothing to do with me? I hadn't done anything wrong, it made no sense.

I knew I had to find out.

It was late, I didn't really know what I was trying to do but I also couldn't sleep and I needed answers, so, I got out of my warm bed and left my room. I looked around, the house was dark with a few dimly lit hallway lights lit up which allowed me to actually see. I didn't know who was here, I didn't even know if Jason was home since I couldn't hear much and normally I'd hear people downstairs or in his backyard, normally his friends. As I passed the stairs, I heard light laughter which sounded male so I assumed his friends were still here, but I didn't hear Jason at all so I hoped he was in his room.

His room. I had never been in there, I hadn't really had the chance to take a tour of his home considering he didn't even talk to me other than the basics. I knew he had some kind of man cave in his basement because I always saw him coming in and out of the room, I even saw him holding a gun as he left the room which meant that place was off limits. Other than that, I knew nothing.

I walked down the hallway and looked around as I continued walking. There weren't any photo's around, just pieces of pretty decor that impressed me considering I didn't take Jason for an interior design typa guy but in all honesty, he surprised me all the time. He was very much a closed book, maybe even an introvert because I didn't know a single thing about his personal life.