Twenty Four Seven || Adam Park

twenty two

Numb had become my permanent feeling. I couldn't even bring myself to leave the sketchy tree house once I climbed up there and hid. It was well into the next morning when I finally even moved to brush my hair out of my face. I had sat there all night with my knees brought up to my chest and my face buried in them. My entire body was shaking as I leaned my head back against the wall I was sitting against. It was cold out this morning and I could see my breath. My stomach growled but I wasn't the slightest bit hungry. My mouth was kind of dry, but I didn't care.

I looked over at the bag of clothes I had packed. Looking at it hurt... a lot. I never thought I would be at this place in my life. I never thought I would be thinking half of the things I was. How could I have let all of this happen? How could I have been so stupid? Tears started rolling down my cheeks as the numbness started taking over. I couldn't deal with any of it anymore. I didn't want too. I just wanted to be back with my parents. I missed them. I felt like there was an actual whole in my heart that could never be repaired.

No one was going to care that I was missing anyways. I was nothing but a problem to everyone and I caused trouble everywhere I went. I was better off gone. I didn't bother wiping away the tears – I let them flow out until I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't bother trying to hide the emotions.

"How could you be so stupid?" I muttered to myself as I reached up and ran my hands through my hair. "You're such an idiot! Nobody wants you! Not even your own parents!" I grabbed fist fulls of my hair – tugging harshly on the hair, but not hard enough to pull it out.  I leaned forward and then slammed my head back against the wall as I let out a loud scream. I didn't care if a soul heard me.

I froze when I heard the sound of a siren but then it soon disappeared. I didn't care what happened to me at this point. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I sat there for hours – emotionless but yet full of every single emotion at the same time. The tears never stopped. They would pause only for a moment and then slip right out the brim of my eyes again.

Two things flashed through my head. The first being a scene of the crash I had made up in my head. I hadn't witnessed it, but I saw photos of the wreck and it was terrible. I based the vision on the pictures. The second being Kimberly putting her arm around Adam's shoulder and being right in his face. I had thought that Aisha would have told Kimberly that I liked him but it was clear that she didn't because she was hanging all over him.  How could he even do that? He just asked me out – and here I was sitting in the very spot where he kissed me so that I wouldn't tell people our first kiss was because of CPR. How could I have been so stupid to think that he was falling for me? How could I even be so stupid to have fallen for him?

This whole time, he had been so nice to me – but that was because he felt bad for me. He knew what was going on with me and he took pity on me. That's probably the only reason I became a power ranger too. I sucked at that just as much as I sucked at being a human being. I didn't have the skills like the others. I was honestly useless, and I probably just got in their way. They were all probably happy that I was gone. One less thing they had to deal with.

I sighed as I laid down on the floor, using my backpack at a pillow as I stared up at the rotting wood. It looked like the roof was going to cave in at any time and I wasn't even the list bit worried when I heard the sounds of raindrops pelting down on the roof and the platform around the tree house. A few slipped through the cracks of the wood but missed me entirely. A small puddle formed a few feet away from me but the rain gave up just moments later. That's when I heard the wind pick up outside and I felt a cold breeze through the cracks. I curled up in a little ball to conserve whatever body heat I had left.

I spent the night listening to the rain pour on and off. One minute it was raining hard and then the next it was a light drizzle. It made for a long night, but my mind contributed to that. I couldn't stop thinking about every single stupid thing I've ever said or done. Every time I got in trouble Every time I got someone else in trouble. Every time I hurt my parents. Every time I disappointed them. Every time I probably made them wonder how they had such a horrible daughter... the thoughts never stopped. They kept coming. They kept making me feel worse and worse.