Twenty Four Seven || Adam Park

forty two

I was bummed when my grandmother said I couldn't go to Adam's tournament tonight. I knew he would understand but still... it sucked. I knew he loved doing martial arts and I've only seen him do a competition once... and I really didn't even see him do anything. I only saw Aisha doing her thing. So, that night I spend the evening sitting at the kitchen table just working on more missing assignments that I had gathered at school that day.

I spent most of the time staring at them... zoning out. I couldn't stop thinking about my conversation with Billy and I felt bad for him but I also understood. I understood what it was like to blame yourself for something you had no control over... but yet, we both had total control over our situations. I could have chosen not to go to that party that night just like Billy could have chosen to call his friends dad when he knew what he was up too.

I tapped the eraser part of my pencil on the table, thinking about my parents. I just wanted them to be okay. I just wanted to be okay... I zoned out so hard that after a while, it was almost like they were standing there in my kitchen. Like I could see their bodies standing right in front of me. All bloodied and bruised like in that nightmare. The longer I stared, I could have sworn I started to see them laugh at me. I tried to blink them away, but that only brought them closer to me. Close enough to touch me and when they did reach out to touch me, I let out the loudest scream that even left my grandmother questioning what was wrong with me.

I couldn't explain what I was seeing to her so I quickly ran up to my room and closed the door behind me. I was breathing heavily, trying to shake the image from my head. I was shaking as I rested on the back of the door, eventually sliding down to sit on the floor and try to catch my breath. I put my hand up to my chest and felt my heart racing.

"So stupid..." I muttered as I closed my eyes tightly, "So stupid."

After a few minutes, I finally got up and walked over to the window. I stood there, gazing out of it until I started to feel sick because I couldn't stop thinking about my parents. I was starting to feel like when I first woke up from having that nightmare in the first place. I was hot and extremely shaky. I felt sick to my stomach and I thought I was going to get sick a few times but nothing happened.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and ran my hands through my hair. There was no way that I was going to be sleeping tonight and that was my own fault. I had gotten into such a mess and my mind was taking a toll from it. I was physically exhausted from the lack of sleep this fear was giving me... and I was mentally exhausted from everything going on in my head. There was only so much I could tell Adam. After all, he already felt nothing but pity for me.

As I forced myself to stay awake all night, I found myself thinking of everything that I probably shouldn't. Everything from my parents to my friends, to Adam, to even Bulk and Skull. It was just one thing after the other. I didn't think I was going to make it through the night but then my alarm eventually went off and I forced myself to get ready and head off to school.

I had learned that I had become very good at pretending that everything was fine. It was an easy role to play at this point and I just rolled with it for now. The numbness had taken over and at this point, I was just trying to make it through each day... even if I wasn't okay. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be.

I was sluggish the hole day and Adam even pointed out that I was tired, but I made it through the school day. Before heading home, Adam told me that he was going away for the weekend so I was going to see him for at least two days. I actually wouldn't see him until the night of the dance and that was okay. We didn't have to be together twenty four seven even though I felt safe around him.... Calm... happy...

But that's not what I felt that weekend because the moment my grandmother realized that I was going to see Adam or Ms. Maria for the entire weekend, she totally flipped her switch and went back to being the wicked woman that I had known all along. It was like she had never plastered on that fake act.