My First Real Girl Crush ** (Camren)

Part 30: Decision To Make

Lauren's POV 

When we grew up, life got more complicated. Life made love more complicated or the other way round. I was approaching my adult life. I had to take things more seriously and plan what and how I wanted my life to be. I loved Camila. She loved me, too. I had a dream, she had a dream, too. Unfortunately, our dreams were not that aligned. We did not share the same road. I wanted her to live her dream, but I wanted to live mine as well. Furthermore, marriage was in her plan but It did not even cross my mind. It was not in my plan at this moment, but I did not have any long-term plan anyway. There were many things I had to take care of before I thought about getting married. 

I knew Camila wanted to stay in L.A. and had her life here. Her everything was here in L.A. She definitely would not let it go and leave just like that. She would stay in L.A. as her plan. I did not see it could happen that she would leave everything in L.A. behind and just go with me wherever I would go. I didn't have a long-term fixed as she did. I did not even have a plan of where I wanted to live. At this moment, what I thought and what I wanted was to move to London. I got a good offer from there and my singing career seemed to be promising if I started there.

Halsey and Zayn had supported me a lot in my dream and building my singing career. They wanted me to stay in L.A. with them but they could not deny the opportunity came from the UK was a good opportunity. I could do my singing career here in the US for sure, but I liked it there, too. I felt more alive doing music there. I could live between London and L.A, but I did not know and I was not sure it would work well that way, especially at the beginning. Camila wanted a stable life, while my life was not that stable, yet, and I would say my life was more adventurous. I was conflicted. I wanted to go there but I wanted to be with Camila as well. I did not want to lose her. I really did not know what to choose. I could not let go of any of them. I could not imagine one day I have to let her go. I still had time to consider it but It would be due soont.

Camila's POV

Life was fun and easier when we were not adults. When we grew up, there would be more responsibilities and life became more complicated, and so did love. It was the last year of college, I started to plan and do what I had to, to realize my dream. I wanted to follow my mother's path. I wanted to be a successful businesswoman. I wanted to do it here in L.A. My life was in L.A. It never crossed my mind to live somewhere else other than here.

I knew Lauren was thinking to move to London to start her career fully, to do her music. I once followed her to London when she was invited to a festival. I could see that she was the happiest when she was there. She was most alive when she talked about music and stuff. She was no longer doing a gig at a small cafe or restaurant six months ago. She would still do it for Louis if she got time. She had a bigger stage now since she did an opening act for Halsey's concert in the UK. Lauren was a celebrity now, the little celebrity that was ready to shine brighter and higher. I could not stop her dream, could not I? I could not just ask her to stay here in L.A

Lauren could stay here in L.A. it was a good place to have a music career here as well. However, she loved it there in London, at least at this moment. She could live between London and L.A. it would not be a problem. If she could not afford too many flights at the beginning of her career, I was confident that I could provide her with a private jet.  However, I was afraid it would not work this way. Furthermore, marriage was not in her plan, but it did not mean she did not love me and did not take our relationship seriously. It was just her, she did not have a long-term plan. I had my plan and I wished we could get married once things got more stable. I wanted her to live her dream, and I wanted to live mine as well. I was conflicted as I did not want to leave L.A, I wanted to live my dream with her. I did not know how my life would be without her and her love. We still had time, and I still wished she could change her mind, but I did not want to control her.