Only In Her Dreams

Chapter 4

Picture of Abby above

I'm sitting at a picnic table with the rest of my neighborhood. Surrounded by weird but delicious food. 

I'm currently eating a hot dog dripping with chocolate. I've never tasted anything so good in my life. I'm savoring every bite.

I look around and see kids running and playing tag, parents are all conversing. I'm not really sure what the point of this BBQ is but I don't care because I'm just enjoying all the amazing food surrounding me. If I could be alone with just the food I would! 

I catch someone out of the corner of my eye off in the distance standing towards the front of the house by the road. 

My curious instincts start to carry me there, hesitant to leave my chocolate covered hot dog I set it down and head in that direction. As I move closer the figure moves farther away. 

The familiarity of the figure returns and I realize that it's Abby. 

My first instinct is to run to her. Full-on sprint. 

I feel like I'm running so fast but I'm barely moving.

No matter how hard I try to run I can't and when I do begin to pick up speed I start to fly. 

I don't want to fly I want to go towards her so I give up trying to run to her and just walk at her pace.

She is walking away from me. No! please!

There is a steady stream of tears running down my face now.

I just need to feel her in my arms. I need her to return to me.

I'm trying to scream her name as loud as I can but nothing comes out. 

In my head I'm screaming "ABBY!!! ABBY!!! PLEASE!!! DON'T LEAVE ME! I'LL GIVE ANYTHING! PLEASE" but it all only comes out as a very soft whisper. 

I continue to follow her just thankful that she hasn't left me yet

She looks behind her every once in a while to see if I am still there. 

I am not going anywhere, Abby.

God, she looks so beautiful. A flowing white gown, her perfectly curled brown locks, and her piercing gorgeous green eyes. 

She looks like an angel.

You can't even notice the steps she is taking, almost like she is just floating. 

I am mesmerized by her beauty and I just want to reach her so I continue to follow. 

She comes to a stop in front of a house down the road and turns toward it. She just stands there and points her arm straight out at the unfamiliar house. 

I stand unmoving because I know the closer I get the farther she will go. 

Instead, I just stand and admire her beauty for however long this will last. 

She turns her whole body to face me. 

I reach my arm out towards her and whisper "I miss you so much, Abby. Please don't leave me" 

I hear a faint voice coming from her that sounds so angelic. 

I try to make out what she's saying and I hear "Help me, Lissy, help me" before her figure starts to slowly fade

My stomach drops and my heart twists in pain. Hearing my sister called out to me using her nickname for me asking for my help crushes me.

"NOOO! DON'T GO!! I'LL HELP YOU PLEASE, I'LL HELP YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO! WHAT DO I DO? ABBYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!" I fall to the ground in pain

Just as she's almost all the way faded I hear her whisper "the truth" before she's completely faded from my view.

Suddenly I wake up gasping for air. Drenched in sweat and my face and pillow covered in tears. My heart hurts so much.

If I thought the last dream was bad this one was ten times worse. Hearing my sister call out my name for help left me feeling so helpless. I wanted more than anything just to reach her, comfort her. 

I wipe my tears and catch my breath and sit up slightly against my headboard. 

I think over the details in the dream. Was she trying to tell me something or was there just another meaning to it? 

I have never been able to accept the details of her death. I know my sister better than anyone in the world and I know for a fact she would NEVER kill herself. 

Apparently, my stepdad found her in the bathtub dead. The coroner also found drugs in her system and I know she didn't do drugs. Nothing adds up.

I've never been able to even start to move on because her cause of death has always been at the back of my mind. 

Abby was the life of the party. She was outgoing and friendly and had endless amounts of friends. She was talented in so many areas and was ALWAYS happy and smiling. I think that's why all eyes were always on her when she entered a room. She was an angel even on earth. 

Even though we were twins, we were fraternal twins and also opposite in every aspect. I am a little more reserved and shy. She was happy and outgoing. While I sometimes struggle, she was never sad. 

The night before she died we stayed up talking about our futures. We were going to go off to college together, get our dorm room together. She talked with such excitement when talking about our future. 

People who plan on killing themselves the next day don't talk about their future.

I can't question it in the house without making everyone angry because they're trying to "move on" as they say. They insist that the autopsy report stated her death was suicide. She had taken drugs and slit her wrists in the bathtub. I know that's not true but I don't really have a way to prove it otherwise. 

I'm still as helpless as ever. Alone as ever.