The Boxer's Girl {COMPLETED}

Chapter 20• Life Can Be...

Chapter 20• Life can be...

Don't you hate when you can't decide? Especially when you can't decide if you'd rather have a 'what if' or a disappointment? What if I don't go, I won't know what happens, if things will change? What if something great happens? What if my life gets ripped away from me?

But what if going on that road-trip brings things back to the way they were?

Do I want it to have the same relationship with Blake? Will it get better or worse, or will it stay the same?

One word has the ability to bring me up or take me down. Yes or no. Go or stay.

Talk about decisions. I guess I haven't grown out of that phase- where I couldn't make my own decision. I always needed someone else's opinion. I thought I had grown out of that? But I want to make my own decision now, and I want to make it confidently. I don't want any regrets. But I might be getting them with whatever I choose.

Maybe.... I just have to do what I want. But what do I want?

It's hard to admit, but what I think I want is for that one fight to undo itself. Something has been making me so miserable since that day after school, and I have a bad feeling that Blake is the reason. I've done fine without boys or relationships for a while now, why is it getting me so worked up now?

I grabbed my phone. Unfortunately, that involved me moving from my comfortable position on my bed, looking at the ceiling. I growled slightly when my body didn't approve of the movement, cracking and tightening in lots of places. It took me awhile, but I finally was able to bring up Bridget's contact and click on the message icon. I stared at the empty message bar for a minute before quickly typing and sending a message. Minutes later I had a response.

Bridget~ I'm so glad! It'll be good for you. If the others won't make it fun, then I will!

Seconds later another text came through.

Bridget~ start packing! It's never to early!!! x

It's not too late to take the text message back, is it? Breathe Ella, it will be fine.

Thank god I have a weekend to convince myself that a road-trip will be fun. Even if I don't patch things up with Blake, that's the worst that could happen, right?

|*•*|*•*|*•*|

Waking up on Monday morning was not easy. Even though I set my alarm earlier than usual, I still was almost late. My energy seemed drained, and I felt like I hadn't slept a wink. But I probably did get at least a couple of hours last night.

The day seemed to go by in a blur. Before I knew it, I was sitting in my last period Maths methods scribbling on my notebook. I'll just have to get the notes off someone else, I've completely tuned out and I don't know anything that was taught this lesson. Actually, I've done that pretty much all day.

Something felt odd. I turned around and saw Blake a few rows behind me. That's not odd. He always sits there. Why did I turn to look at him? Oh, maybe it's because I just caught him staring at me. When our eyes met, I dragged my eyes around the classroom to try to act like I didn't just catch him staring. But I did, and he knows that. He also turned around, but I can still feel eyes at the back of me as I pretend to listen to what the teacher is saying.

"Could you please tell me how I got this answer.... Isabella." I flinched at my name, and focused my eyes on the teacher. My face was confused for a few seconds before I decided to look at the board at the front of the classroom.

"Uhh... W-well..." I gulped. The teacher had a shocked look on his face but tried hiding it.

"I guess I will have to ask somebody else. That's not appreciated Ella. Would someone who was attentive to this whole lesson like to answer my question?" Mr. Quinn gave me a very disapproving look. My classmates also appeared shocked and didn't bother hiding it. I shrunk in my seat. Not from everyone's eyes that are on me, but because something mustn't be right. I don't ever stutter or tune out of a lesson, I'm always the one to give notes to the ones who do that. Sometimes I whisper the answer to the ones who get called on, like me today, weren't listening.

I had to fight the urge to look back at Blake. I couldn't help it, so I did the inevitable and turned to his spot. Only he wasn't there. His desk was empty. Did he sneak out? I don't remember him asking or going up to the teacher. But then again, why would he? He doesn't care. He doesn't care if he breaks the rules, he doesn't care that he could be the reason of my misery. He's not the first, though. He's not the first to hurt me by acting like I'm just another player in the field. I'm just not good enough, am I?

The bell went and I absentmindedly dragged my feet to my locker. Packing my books and papers I started walking to the gates of the school. I guess I'm walking home. I texted Bridget to tell her not to pick me up, and also Michelle since she has been worried about me. She missed school today, most likely because she is sick, and yet she worries about me?

I had a Tumblr notification so I opened it up. A user I hadn't seen before named _regret_losing_you_ sent me a message. I didn't really want to check it out, but the name had me interested.

A little birdy told me that your going on a trip, is that right? But how could you trust these people your going with?

I stopped in my tracks. I looked around but there wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I quickly typed back a reply.

Who are you?? Why shouldn't I trust those people?

I reluctantly pressed send. I'm answering a question with a question. Who wouldn't?

What freaked me out even more is that I got a reply straight away.

It doesn't matter who I am, the only thing that matters is can you trust your 'friends'? I'm sure you don't even know much about them.

Is it just me, or is this guy/girl telling me not to trust my friends? How do they even know my friends? Unless... No, I can trust my friends. And my friends wouldn't tell me not to trust themselves. I have to end this conversation, my trust issues have always been there and whoever this is, is just making them grow and that's not what I need.

Look, your bothering me. If you don't tell me who you are then I don't see why I should even trust yourself. Bye.

That was my first time in this conversation when I had pressed send straight away. And I guess my anonymous stalker wasn't wasting any time either.

I'm sure you will find out soon enough. And I'm sure that you will more than trust me in the close future as well. See you, always_m4sked ;-)

I shut my phone and stuffed it in my pocket after reading the message. I don't like my life lately. Don't you think that I believe him/her/it, but I'm not going to tell my friends about this. Don't ask me why either, because I haven't figured that out.

It took me 45 minutes to get home. 45 minutes in a girls personal mind-space is quick though. Call it cliché, but I really would've loved some hot guy on a motorbike to pick me up and take me to McDonald's or something. Ok maybe the last bit isn't cliché but I'm hungry so that's how my mind works.

And I'm totally not referring to Blake, his motorbike, and the local KFC. Not at all.

*•~•*•~•*

A.N:

Hai! How is everyone? Thank you so much for reading!! It means so much!! Would you like to vote, comment, or/and share my book? If you do, thanks soooo much!

This is a really short chapter, probably my shortest, but my holidays have been so jam-packed, meaning busy that I haven't had time to write. I'm actually driving to go camping again right now! And school starts soon.... Nooooooooo!

Who do you think _regret_loosing_you_ is?

Personal question for you that of course you don't have to answer on here. But how would you finish the chapter title? The sentence is:

Life can be...

Anyway, enjoy reading and have an ah-mazing day/night!

Thanks!!

~Rochelle xxx