Misbehave // Alex Gaskarth

Chapter Forty Two ~ Breathe

Song; Broken by Lauren Hoffman

Abella's POV

After nineteen years of living, I had come to the single conclusion that a relationship was one of those things people really really wanted, but didn't really need. I had unintentionally judged the teenagers who spent their entire existence dedicated to their significant partner. Everything revolved around that one person, and if that person needed something, it would be given to them.

I'd always thought this to be a bit ridiculous since there were more important things than relationships.

Although I still thing that a relationship shouldn't be a main priority, my opinions have changed. I can no longer judge these people because I have become one myself.

It took me so long before I realized how lonely I felt. A shower of desolation had over washed over my emotions, leaving me with a bundle of sorrow and melancholy that sent a pain in my heart. Maybe I had never noticed before. The feeling of being loved by someone other than my own blood had become something so soothing and wonderful. The affection and attention had created some type of drug that I had, unknowingly, become an addict to.

And as I write these words on this single sheet of paper, I begin to think of all the moments when this feeling of lonesome would reach for my neck, only to be pushed away by the hands of my family. Now that I have no one to protect me, I feel like these invisible hands have grasped my neck. With each second that ticks by, their grip grows stronger and stronger... I feel my breath grow fainter, the dizzy and numb sensation had begun to spread down to my entire body. 

He lays only a few feet away, unknowing to the thunderstorm occurring within my own thoughts. He lays unaware, perfectly calm within the realms of his mind. I long for him to see how I truly feel inside.

I set the pencil down, a sigh left my lips. The tips of my fingers traced small patterns over the scratched desk. I'd woken up about an hour before the sudden urge to write had kicked into my senses. Alex had a few pieces of drawing paper lying around, so I figured that this would be better than keeping everything bottled up. A dull pencil with no eraser had also done the job quite well. I wasn't particularly picky. I just needed something.

The silence was beginning to get to me. The only sound came from Alex, but the occasional snore just wasn't enough. My subconscious was unwillingly going over every fond memory of the moments I shared with Alex. From the times when he would go as far as bring me food at three in the morning, to when he would grip my hips and kiss my neck until he left his mark.

I loved him so much. I loved him enough that every day I spent apart from him, he would infiltrate my thoughts. Even in those moments when the last thing I wanted was to think about Alex Gaskarth, images of his appearance would reach the back of my mind and completely overwhelm me. My house was silent, no longer bearing the voices of Myra, or Alex.

In the simplest of words, I felt completely alone.

"Abella," Alex's voice ripped through the painful silence. I didn't freeze, nor did I tense up. I simply turned around, meeting his gaze within a split second. He was sat up on his bed, eyes hooded and hair laced with a bit of grease from being unwashed. He offered a smile, but it seemed far too broken to be genuine. "Are you okay?" He had asked.

I felt physically weak. I felt sick. My throat hurt, the pits of my stomach feeling ten times heavier. Just seeing his face sparked an undeniable feeling of sorrow within me. I could offer no short response that would fully describe my emotions. There seemed to be no word that could perfectly capture my thoughts and feelings. The simple question suddenly seemed like the hardest thing to answer.