Gambling In Love

Chapter 8: It Was A Mistake

Yumeko buried her head in her hands as the door to her dorm slammed shut. She knew she had hurt and confused Mary although it had not been her intentions. Truth was, all Yumeko knew of love was what people told her. It was meant to be all-consuming, awe-inspiring, and completely undeniable.

She also knew that when you loved someone romantically, you're supposed to feel butterflies in your stomach, your heart's supposed to race, and you're meant to not be able to think of anyone but the person who holds your affection.

But that's just what you're supposed to feel, what's meant to happen. Maybe she's reading too far into it, but the whole concept of loving someone who's not already family just confused her.

She had known she loved her sister because she was always kind to her, and she had always put Yumeko's feelings before her own. To Yumeko, that seemed like love. She knew Atari loved her because she had been willing to kill for her. Although dark, to Yumeko, it seemed like love.

With Mary, she felt like she was meant to have some kind of feeling towards the girl. She thought the blonde was absolutely entrancing, and she was sure she did feel something for the blonde. Her heart would race when she was around, and she felt the need to be close to her. To her, it sounded like love.

Still, love was not a word meant to be thrown around. On top of that, love had a timetable. People may not acknowledge it, but there's a certain amount of time it's supposed to take for someone to fall in love.

Even if it's not measured by time, it's measured by knowledge. Because, of course, how can you love someone you don't really know? How can someone love you when they don't know how you've triumphed and how you've failed? How can someone love who you are without knowing who you are? They cannot.

And so, Yumeko sat on the floor of her living room, head against her couch with her head in her hands as she tried to understand her feelings for Mary. They weren't love, but 'like' seemed like such a dainty little word in comparison. It didn't seem to explain what she felt.

As far as she knew, there wasn't a word for what she felt, and that confused Yumeko to no end because she now had to find a way to explain her feelings to Mary. It would be hard to explain things to Mary when she couldn't think of the proper words to describe her feelings. She sighed dramatically as she got up and walked to her room, prepared to just go to sleep early.

And so, that's what she did. She laid on her bed and closed her eyes, thinking long and hard about her feelings for Mary. Perhaps, if she thought about it hard enough, the answer would come to her in her dreams. It was a childish thing to hope for, but it was the type of miracle she needed right now.

------------

The next morning, Yumeko followed her usual routine until she ended up in her homeroom class. Her eyes immediately caught those of a certain blonde who just as quickly rejected the gaze. Yumeko sighed, realizing she probably just lost her closest friend.

Unfortunately, nothing about her feelings for Mary came to her in her dreams, but there was something that came to her as she was feeding into sleep that has been weighing on her mind.

As far as she knew, the Momobamis were still trying to kill her. They wanted her dead to eliminate any chance she had at overthrowing Kirari and leading the clan herself. Lucky for them, she didn't have those desires. Still, they wanted her dead. There could come a day when she needed to pack up and change countries or even continents. She couldn't do that to Mary.

Or, an even worse case scenario, the Momobamis found out where she lived and decided to kill her. What kind of impact would that have on the blonde? Somehow even worse, what if they went after Mary to hurt Yumeko? She couldn't risk it.