Chances

Chapter 11

Carina's throat feels dry and she tries to swallow. Naomi's eyebrows furrow as she continues to look at her face, silently urging her to go on. Then Naomi takes hold of Carina's hand and gives it a friendly squeeze and that was more than enough encouragement for her to speak up.

"Because he's not Lily."

--

"Wait, what?" Naomi blinks a few times as pure confusion falls over her face. "What do you mean 'he's not Lily'?"

Carina shoots her gaze down to her lap, refusing to make eye contact with her friend sitting in front of her. She feels her heart racing inside of her chest as her fight-or-flight response was starting to kick in. Naomi's eyes are burning holes in her head and her fingers are drumming on top of her thigh nervously. Oh god. This night was not going how she expected at all.

"Carina?" Naomi asks hesitatingly, overlapping their hands to stop the tremor. "Do you ... do you ... like Lily?"

For some reason, that sentenced broke the dam that Carina wasn't even aware that she was trying to sustain. Her emotions are at an all-time high tonight and she is feeling more confused and conflicted than ever. She doesn't want to like Lily, especially not right now when she can't even be comfortable with speaking to her in front of others. Things between them would just get messier than they already are.

But Carina would just be lying through her teeth if she denied it and although she only just met Naomi this school year, she's by far the second best person to come out to. Hell, she's gay too and damn proud of it. It's never been easy for Carina to let people in because of her fear of judgment and/or disapproval, but coming out to Lily was one of the most liberating moments of her life. Maybe she can experience that again with Naomi.

So after taking a deep and shaky breath, she lifts her head up slowly to meet Naomi's eyes. The tears fighting to come out blur Carina's vision, but she is still able to see the genuine concern on her friend's face.

Carina blinks away the tears, feeling it leave a warm trail down her cheeks as she just barely nods her head yes.

Without warning, Naomi grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her in for a tight hug. Carina was taken by surprise to say the least, but Naomi's grip was nothing but comforting so Carina let herself relax in the comforting embrace. She didn't know how much she needed a hug until now.

"I'm so proud of you," Naomi softly whispers in her ear. "Thank you for telling me and I promise that I won't tell anyone."

Carina smiles for the first time tonight before she pulls away and wipes the remnants of her tears away with the back of her hand. "You don't seem all that surprised?" Carina chuckles lightheartedly.

"Surprised isn't really the right word," Naomi answers calmly. "I mean, you and Lily have gotten incredibly close these past few weeks and I can just tell that she makes you really happy. I always assumed you were straight so that aspect was unexpected, but then again, it's not all that shocking just based on what I've seen between you two. There's an undeniable connection that I've been able to witness and I've noticed a little change in you as well and I'm sure it's because of Lily. Am I wrong?"

"No, you're right. She's really great," Carina instinctively smiles to herself at the thought of her. But then the smile vanishes as quickly as it appeared. "But it's not like anything will happen between us," she mumbles sadly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean ... like, I'm scared to talk to her in public aside from you, Desi, and Amanda because I care too much about what other people think and I don't want them to think there is something going on between us. I'm just not ready to come out to everyone else yet. Only you and Lily know as of now so if I can't even walk with her to class or around campus, how can I ever date her? That's not fair to Lily. She deserves someone who'll proudly show her off to the world without any hesitation. She deserves someone who will kiss her and hold her hand in front of others. She deserves someone who isn't ... me."