Chances

Chapter 38

Carina is practically holding onto Lily by the tips of her fingers now.

The younger girl holds her breath as she anticipates Lily's answer. Blood is pounding in Carina eyes and her heart races, her eyes scanning Lily's face for any indication. But she simply pulls Carina's hands down and shakes her head.

"I... I don't know if I do anymore."

And in this moment, Carina feels like she just lost her grip on Lily completely.

--

*listen to Secret Love Song pt. II - Little Mix*

"W-wait, what?" Carina questions, eyes wide in disbelief. "What-what do you mean you don't know if you want us to be together anymore?"

Lily doesn't answer her. She can't even bring herself to look at Carina in the face because it might just be what makes her take it back at the last second. So instead, she stares down at the gap between their bodies while Carina's hands still cup her face desperately.

A silence looms over them for a while. No one says a word, but they don't have to say anything to know what is going on in Lily's head.

She can't continue doing this. As much as she loves Carina, she can't continue to put herself through the constant pain and confusion that she inflicts on her. Lily knows what is best for her and she knows what is best for Carina and right now, it isn't each other.

After a few more seconds of trying to push away the inevitable, it happens anyways. "A-are you breaking up with me?" Carina's small, broken voice squeaks out.

And at the sound of that sentence, Lily tucks her bottom lip beneath her teeth, biting down so hard to stop the quivering. Her eyes are starting to water and her already broken heart continues to crack.

Lily's lack of protest is taken as validation because that's when a short gasp slips out past Carina's mouth and she removes her hands from Lily's face, instead using it to cover her mouth instead.

"Oh my god..." Carina inaudibly breathes out. "No, Lily, please hear me out. I-"

"-You can't change my mind," Lily interrupts under her breath. She tries to keep her voice as firm and as solid as she can, but it's futile. "I'm sorry. I can't... be with you anymore."

And that was what made Carina break down and Lily, due to protective instinct, places a hand on the back of her head and pulls the younger girl against her chest, muffling her small sobs. Lily tangles her fingers in the younger girl's hair as the other rubs her back while Carina clings tightly to her shirt. Their bodies are pressed so close against each other. Lily doesn't remember the last time they sought comfort like this.

"Please don't cry," Lily's broken voice asks Carina in her ear, all the while crying herself. What a hypocrite she is.

Lily repeats herself over and over again, but the words just aren't getting through to Carina or herself. Lily doesn't know how a person has managed to cry as many tears as Carina has within these past couple of weeks and it pains her deeply to know that she's the cause of her sadness now.

"Shh," Lily whispers after a long while as she pulls herself away a bit, only to hold Carina's face in her hands. She wipes away the tears on her damp cheeks and looks into her red, miserable eyes. "Shh. Listen to me. Okay? I need you to listen to me right now."

Carina intakes an unsteady breath as she tries her best to calm herself down, her hands wrapped around Lily's wrists. Lily gives her a few seconds to compose herself together. She has to hear this.