Living Closeted

In the showers

As I was taking the soaked tee off of me, I couldn't but notice that eyes were on me. It felt super weird, almost like a tingling sensation. I can't turn and see who's it that's starring at me. But it does creep me out a little. If it's him, well... 

*I sigh

I take off my sweat pants too, and then I wrap a towel around my waist and I take off my undies and head for the showers. It's steamy in there and I can't take my glasses anyway, so it's more or less blurry for me. I know no one cares, and that we're all just a bunch of naked dudes, taking a shower and all, but I really don't understand the idea of open showers. I would've loved a couple of shower cubicles or stalls with a minimum of privacy. Anyway, I go to one of the empty spots, not before hanging my towel to one of the hooks right before entering the room. 

I turn on the water. As hot as possible. I just want to feel the skin melt off of my body. For a lotta people, a cold shower can be the most soothing and relaxing experience, but for me, it's the other way round. The only part where I take it down a notch is when I wash my hair. Wash your hair with too hot water and you'll damage it. Same goes for cold water. You won't damage your hair with cold water, but you won't clean it either. 

I close my eyes as the water hit my face. I then take a deep breath, grab the soap and start washing my body. Now, this hasn't to be a full-on body scrub. The recess break is short and your goal is to just wash off the sweat. As I was scrubbing my abdomen I feel somebody creep around me to the left. The too familiar scent and the feeling of eyes on me... I open my eyes, but I don't look to my left.

-'Sup, like what you see? why would you say that now? hmm? and then you wonder why he's playing with you games all day...
-Chill bruh, I'm here to shower. That's all.

"Of course, he's here just to shower. But you'd like him to be here for more? Then again, out of all the showers he chose the one next to you. That means that right from the moment he stood in the doorway, he took a glance at the room to spot you. He probably watched you getting all wet and then starting soaping yourself, as he was making your way towards you. And he also probably waited for just a second too long to make himself noticeable around me." This is all just in your head though, so shrug it off. That's probably not happened at all. This is just your insane wicked brain trying to put you in an anxiety-induced coma.

I cleanse off all the soap and now all I have left is my hear which I would hate not to at least put some Head&Shoulders in it. I know... the typical hair shampoo a girl would assume the male population uses. But I just like it. As I was massaging the shampoo in my hair, I hear something hit the floor and a loud curse. He dropped his soap

*I giggle softly

-Dropped your soap, have you? I say with a devilish smile
-Shut up Diaz! Shut up. 

The entire room was now watching. Some were making sounds like some primitive apes. Some were just shocked. And the rest didn't care. Oh, well now I felt kinda bad for him. I do hate it when people are being made fun of. And this situation is just one of those homophobic awkward social experiences none of us wants to be put through. I can feel him tense up. 

*I let out a sigh

-You know, you could all care more about your small penises and scrawny exposed bodies that we all get to see than somebody bending over for a bar of soap. 

I say as I go and grab the soap and then handing it to Adrian.

-Thanks! he says with a genuine content smiley and grateful face.
-Mhmm! I say back to him with a sassy and blank face.

What does he expect from me? I shouldn't have helped him. After all, he puts me through? I did because of who I am. As a gay man, I understand the best what it feels like to be shamed by the people who you consider friends over stuff like this. So I did it because otherwise, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I did it because it was the right thing to do, regardless of who I ended up helping.