Hijabi Style: The Surprisingly Average Life Of A Teenage Muslim Girl

The Road To Forgetting

Fiction really isn't that different from fact. Seriously, it's like my life has turned into basically every teen movie, complete with a gorgeous guy that I fall in love with, after coming to terms with it just a few days earlier. It's hysterical, really.

Today, I face school, and possibly you-know-who. I've decided to cover up my feelings for him until I can "forget him", as Ummi advised. It will be tough and heart-wrenching, but it will be better for Major to think I don't like him. That way, he isn't as hurt.

Once at school, I make a beeline for my homeroom class. I don't offer to read any passages or answer any questions, like I usually do. I zip from class to class, instead of staying at my usual mini hangout by the lockers in between classes.

It's like the pain in my chest grows as the day progresses, knocking me down from within. While trying to ignore my heartbreak, I barely avoid getting knocked over by random shoulders while finding my way through a crowd of hurrying students. Thankfully, I don't see Major for the first half of the day.

At lunch, I grab a seat and pull it up to a table that Tessa is sitting at. She looks up at me and removes her bag from my side of the small table.

She grins. I grunt in reply.

"So..." She says, dragging out the last letter. "Can you date?"

"Uh." I grunt.

"Did you not ask? I thought you were going to ask. This could be the start of something. This could-"

"This could be nothing." I cut her off.

Tessa looks at me in disbelief. "Why do you do that? You change your mind about everything so often! Two days ago, you loved him!"

I shake my head. "I only thought I did." I lie.

"You know you do! You know, you're always considering everyone else, trying to make them happy. Why don't you do what makes you happy for once?"

"This does make me happy." I say, weakly.

"Yaz, you can't lie to me. It's like, scientifically impossible. What's going on?"

And so I tell her. I tell her about what Ummi said. I tell her about Abba's anger. And I tell her how I love Major so much that I'm trying not to love him anymore.

"So this is how you're going to cope? You're not even going to tell him?"

"You know that I can't. He's too wild spirited. He'll just look at it as a challenge that he can overcome. But this is final."

"That's true."

We are quiet for a while until Tessa speaks up again. "So as long as he's who he is, you can't be with him." she whispers.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. This really sucks."

"I am too," I reply. "But Tessa, you can't tell him, okay? We have to make him feel like I'm completely uninterested."

"Okay, okay. I got it." she replies. "Hey, what about Ken?"

"What about him?"

"Should we tell him?"

I think a moment. Kennedy has already seen me at my lowest point in life. Do I really want to share such a personal thing like this with him, too? You know, with him being a guy and all?

"I don't know." I answer.

"Well, you know he's always there for you. Just look at how you guys met."

Huh, the day that I met my second best friend. He came into my life like a guardian angel molded into human form.

That was the day that Kennedy saved me from myself.