Hijabi Style: The Surprisingly Average Life Of A Teenage Muslim Girl

Counterpoint

Selflessness is the strongest of spirits. It is the way to kindness- to being human. At the same time, it's extremely difficult to act on. We often get swept up in our own affairs, only solvable with our own solutions.

I was battling between doing what I wanted and doing what was right. Unfortunately, while I was enjoying the engaged life, I was getting my friends caught into the same struggle.

As a newly "engaged" young woman, Abba had given me slightly more freedom than I'd had before. I decide that I will use that freedom to give myself some time away from both Hamzah and Kennedy. Tessa and I are going out today, which is exactly what I need after a very interesting Jum'ah service yesterday. The imam, among others, had come up to me, offering blessings and congratulating me on my newfound happiness.

As like any other Saturday afternoon, everyone is sleeping in. My phone vibrates with a text from Tessa, letting me know she is outside. I head downstairs to her convertible, the midday heat of November wavering in the air.

"Are they seriously still asleep?" Tessa asks, referring to my family.

"Actually, I think they'll wake up early today. Waking up at 1 pm is an actual accomplishment for us."

Tessa laughs. "So why aren't you sleeping in?"

"I couldn't get back to sleep after I woke up this morning. I need something to do."

"Well, you came to the right person." Tessa smiles. "We are going shopping!"

The ride to the outlet mall is freeing: the roads are clear, the breeze is cool, and the music blasts on the stereo without a single commercial.

As we browse through winter coats at Rainbow, we talk boys. "Hamzah is so amazing!" Tessa gushes warmly. "Every moment I'm with him is great."

"Would you marry him?" I blurt out, before chiding myself for bringing up marriage.

"I don't know," Tessa muses. "Wouldn't it be complicated?"

Oh, no. She was asking me. I, who was engaged to her boyfriend. I could steer her the right way and tell her to follow her heart. But then again, I could remind her of the differences between them so I could end up with Hamzah, which would make my father happy. I really wanted to make Abba proud of me...

What was I thinking? "Astaghfirullah," I whisper under my breath. I can't do the wrong thing for my own selfish benefit.

I have to do what was right. "I think the only thing that matters is how you feel about him." I answer before walking over to the jeans section of the store.

Tessa follows me there. "I just feel like there is something he isn't telling me, you know? And I don't want to push him to have to tell me," Tessa says as I nod in response. "Do you think you could talk to him?"

"I don't really want to meddle in anything, Tessa. I'm sure you two can talk it over."

"But I'm asking for your help," she counters. "Please? You know that I would help you in the same situation."

I sigh deeply, knowing that Tessa is not going to react well to what I am about to tell her. I might even have to find my own way home. "Tessa, I don't have to talk to him," I start. "Because I already know what he's not telling you."

Tessa locks eyes with me, suspiciously searching my eyes for an explanation. "So then, what is it?"

"Hamzah and I are engaged."

Tessa drops a cardigan she had been looking at and doesn't move. After a while, I get worried and scramble to explain myself. "Our fathers set it up. Neither of us wanted to go through with it, so we made up a plan, and-"

"What plan?" Tessa spits out in an aggravated and aggressive tone.

"When our parents asked us if we agreed to the engagement, we decided that Hamzah would say no."

"So, you said yes?"

I nod, and after a moment I realize how this must sound to Tessa. "I didn't say yes for Hamzah, I said yes for Abba. I didn't want to disappoint him!" I screech, trying to both prove my point and keep my voice down so as to not draw any outside attention to myself.

Tessa walks away from me, and towards the jewelry area. "Listen!" I plead with her as I follow her. I touch her arm and she snaps her head in my direction. I pull my hand back as she glares at me.

"Tessa, believe me. We don't want this. Hamzah only said yes because his dad pressured him a little."

"Well, of course you know that. You seem to know everything about my boyfriend." she retaliates.

"I only know that because I was there! This engagement is void!"

"That's not the point! You agreed to keep this from me." Tessa hisses at me. "I explicitly asked you if you were interested in him, Yasmeen. And you said no!"

"I wasn't interested then, and I'm not now!"

"Oh, really?" Tessa scoffs harshly. "It's your first engagement. Of course you're interested. Who wouldn't be?"

Tessa knew me so well that it was probably going to the one of the reasons why she would stop being my friend. "I don't have to act on it. We can fix this." I counter.

"Oh, Yaz. Why didn't you tell me this was happening?" Tessa sighs, plopping down into a chaise near the dressing rooms. "All this time, I thought he'd been quiet because he was missing his mother. I'd felt so helpless."

"I am so sorry." I murmur sincerely.

"You two broke my heart." Tessa rises and starts towards the exit. I halfheartedly follow her and I get a glimpse of Hamzah, in the middle of the store, before Tessa does. He pulls something out of his pocket- a ring. One that I've seen before, but where?

I realize that he is about to present the ring to Tessa. I begin to sprint after Tessa in an attempt to prevent a showdown of disappointment. I flail my arms around, trying to get Hamzah's attention. When he finally notices, I shake my head 'no' vigorously, warning him about Tessa.

Hamzah ignores me, and lowers himself until he is kneeling on one knee, directly blocking the path that Tessa is walking in. If only she would just look up! Instead, she was walking, facing the ground and clutching her sweater's sleeves.

Suddenly, I remember where I've seen the ring before. It used to be attached to a chain, which was always tucked into Hamzah's pocket. I'd seen him pull it out while he visited his mother's grave; he'd cried as he stroked the ring gently.

It dawns on me that what he held in his hand now was his mother's ring. And then, I finally and fully understand that this engagement is null. Just like that, the sentimental feelings I'd had about it are gone. All I feel now is a deep pain and regret. Both Tessa and Hamzah's hearts would break after this encounter. I stop, helplessly watching as Tessa looks up, finally noticing Hamzah blocking her path.

"Tessa Doodle, you are everything I've ever wanted," Hamzah starts. A small crowd gathers as he continues. "Will you do me the the honor of marrying me when we're old enough?"

The crowd chuckles and Tessa doesn't flinch. I notice a slight twitch in her back, and I realize she's crying. Hamzah looks up at her, concerned. He starts to get up in order to comfort her.

"Don't bother," Tessa says. "I'm not interested in becoming your second wife." She runs off into a crowded walkway while the other shoppers awkwardly disperse.

Hamzah is still on his knee, looking absolutely crushed.