Fire Whiskey in the Moonlight (Remus Lupin)

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Shattered

My eyes fluttered open slowly. It was too bright, I was laying down for some reason. I moved to sit up but I couldn't.

"Smudge! Smudge are you awake?"

I rolled my head over to smile at Annie before my eyes fell closed again.

This time, when I opened my eyes, it was a little bit easier than before. I felt a hand on my own. I knew that hand. "Remus." The word hurt coming out of my mouth, my throat was dry and rough, and I only managed a whisper.

"Vivian!" Now his hand was on my face. I leant into it. It was warm.

"I am so sorry. I am so very sorry. I'm leaving, nothing like this will ever happen again, I promise."

I didn't want him to leave though. His hand was so warm on my face. I leant into him again, closing my eyes once more.

It was dark the next time I opened my eyes. But I could recognize the silhouette of the Headmaster at the end of my bed. I was in the hospital wing. I didn't want to bother him though, so I just went back to sleep.

I woke up again. The sun was out, and my head hurt badly. "Water." I croaked. But no one was around to hear me. My arm was unusually heavy as I lifted it to feel if there was a cup on the table next to me. There was, the water almost burned as it went down. I heard a deep voice call my name. I was able to lift my head just enough to see Eric making his way over to me.

"It's so good to see you awake."

"What are you talking about?" I tried to push myself up but there was a sharp pain in my left arm. It was in a cast.

"You've been unconscious for a week, Viv." Eric informed me.

"No, that's not true." I decided, "No Annie was just here, and Remus just a few minutes ago. Dumbledore was here too."

"Well I don't know about Dumbledore, and Annie's been here just about everyday. But Professor Lupin left a few days ago."

"What do you mean he left?"

"He left Hogwarts, he got fired."

"Katie-" I gasped. Shooting up to look at him but receiving a sharp pain in the back of my head as I did so, causing me to lay back down.

"No, you were unconscious and Lupin had already gotten sacked, so she didn't have anyone to blackmail. Besides, I overheard her saying no one would care what grade a werewolf gave her anyway."

My heart stopped, "What did you say?"

"Oh, right. Whole school knows Professor Lupin is a werewolf. Dumbledore had to sack him cause parents were getting angry."

I opened my mouth to speak but there was another sharp pain in my skull and everything went dark again.

I woke up, with the distinct feeling that I had been out for longer than it had felt, because Eric was gone and Annie was sitting by my side with a book.

I felt better than I had any other time I had woken up. My arm was no longer in a cast and this time I was able to lift myself up to a sitting position.

Annie must have seen me move out of the corner of her eye and she dropped her book. "Oh my God, hi!" She jumped to her feet to adjust my pillow for some back support.

"Hi, what day is it?"

"Friday, and you've been in here since last Thursday when Professor Lupin attacked you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't you remember, you were outside with Lupin when he turned into a werewolf and he attacked you. You got thrown and smashed your head open on a boulder, when Snape brought you in Madam Pomfrey didn't know if she'd be able to save you."

"Annie, you aren't making any sense. Remus didn't attack me and Professor Snape was unconscious. Where's Remus?"

"He isn't here Smudge. He left the school a few days ago." She paused, letting this sink in. "Did you know he was a werewolf?"

"Uh, ya I did. For about two months now. Why-why would he leave before he knew I was okay?"

"Well you've woken up a few times throughout the week. After the first time you woke up Madam Pomfrey told us that meant you were out of the woods and we just had to wait for you to fully come-to. He left shortly after. He was fired, but I suspect he didn't wait because he felt guilty for attacking you in wolf-form."

"Why do you keep saying Remus attacked me. Sirius attacked Remus and I got caught in the crosshairs. It was an accident."

"Sirius Black?"

"Ya, where is he anyway? Where's Peter?"

"I don't know who Peter is but Sirius Black escaped."

Had I hit my head and woken up in a different timeline? "Why would he have to escape? He's innocent."

"Maybe I should get Madam Pomfrey?" She said slowly, starting to stand from her chair.

"Wait- Annie, does Remus think he attacked me?"

"I'd imagine so, everyone else does. And Dumbledore wants to know why you were down there in the first place."

"Merlin, he must have been killing himself thinking he did this. Did he leave a note or anything before he left?"

Annie glanced over at my bedside table, grabbing an envelope with my name on it. "Maybe this is from him?"

I took it from her, opening it quickly. My heart swelled when I pulled our bucket list out of the envelope. "Ya, it's from him."

I smiled, flipping it over to see if he had let me know where to reach him. As I had expected, there was a note on the back of the parchment. My eyes raked over it.

But something was wrong, something hadn't been fixed and I could feel my body shutting down. The paper in my hands was shaking, I couldn't swallow. Annie was saying something but it was fuzzy, I couldn't make it out. Everything around me was blurring, except for the words in front of me.

Slow. The world had slowed around me, I was breathing, it was the only thing I could feel. My chest slowly rising with air, and slowly falling. The paper was wet now, like tiny raindrops had fallen on it. I needed Madam Pomfry, there was a pain in my chest growing worse with every agonizingly slow breath I took. Something was wrong.

Someone was crying. I could hear them. This wasn't right. I needed to leave. I needed to get away from this.

I focused everything on getting my legs over the side of the bed I had been in. Someone was saying something, but it was still fuzzy. I felt myself stand up, but I wasn't sure how. Suddenly I was walking. Whoever was crying, was getting louder. The ground was shaking, like someone had cast an Earthquaking spell on the floor. Then I was falling.

Everything snapped back into focus and speed back up, as I collapsed into Annie's arms. My legs had been shaking and gave out on me. I had been the one crying. Everything snapped back and his words hit me. I couldn't hold myself up anymore, even with Annie's help. I fell limp in her arms, causing us both to crash to the floor.

I was whimpering, my body wrecked with tears and sobs. I couldn't breathe anymore, I could only gasp for air. I didn't know if I would ever leave the floor, I was broken. Shattered into little pieces on the cold floor of the hospital wing. Annie's arms tightened around me as I wailed.

"Annie, I- I" I couldn't get the words out.

Somehow Madam Pomfrey knew exactly what I was going to say and rushed over with a bin. What little was in my stomach came out with aggressive sobs. But it forced my body to reset, forced me to breath. I was still holding the note in my hand, reading it again, feeling my heart being ripped apart by sharp, unforgiving claws.

"Please believe me when I say this doesn't have anything to do with what happened the night of the full moon. Whatever it is we've been doing, is over. When you were asleep, I simply realized that I don't need you. I don't want you either. Please do not try to contact me. RJL"