Letting love in (GTop)

Tell me it wasn't you

~Jiyong~

It's dark, too dark. I can't see where I'm going, I can't hear anything but the sounds of my feet hitting the hardwood floor and the rapid pounding of my heart against my ribcage. I don't call out for anyone, or try to bring attention to myself. I've seen this darkness before and what waits for me in it is something I refuse to bring out of it's hiding place.

Further down the hall, my hand roams on the sides of the wall, trying to find my way. Daring not to turn on the light for fear of being found. A cold sweat forms on my forehead, and my body shutters. I was freezing, scared, and i just needed to make it to the end of the hall, everything would be fine if i make it to the end of the hall... but i never make it to the end of the hall.

"You know you can't hide from me. You even fuck up at trying to stay quiet and you weigh like ninety pounds." That voice rasps in my ear, turning my blood to ice. "Since you seem to not understand that the people in this house need to sleep... you might as well give me something to do since i'm up now." He grabs me from behind and throws me over his shoulder, taking me somewhere, but I still can't see.

A few tears fall down my cheeks, knowing what was going to happen. I know better than to fight, its over quicker and it brings a bit less pain if I stay still. Plus he likes it when i fight, brings him more of a challenge, and i refuse to give him that satisfaction.

He sets me down on the ground and forces me to face him "You know, you think you would have learned by now... is it possible that your little faggot ass loves this? You do things to piss me off just so I can pound you into the ground?" his hot breath, tainted with alcohol brushes my face, making my stomach roll.

He throws me me down against something sort of soft, and i bounce slightly, making me realize that we are in the living room on the couch "wait, someone might come out." I say panicked. What if Seungri sees this? I can't let him see me this way. I start to push him away, hoping to God that for once he will give me mercy, and will let me go.

An angry, burning sensation blossoms over my cheek, when his hand connects painfully with the sensitive skin, then he pins me down with one arm "Good, maybe your brother should see. Learn about what happens to boys who are fuck ups like you." He snarls at me and pulls down my pants, then unbuckles his own.

I look away, not wanting to see this, I never want to see this. He flips me over onto my stomach and pulls my lower half into the air, tucking my legs under me. I tremble but stay as still as my body will let me.

I close my eyes 'it'll be over soon Ji, just breath and think of something else' I find my mind wondering and grasp at some memories to distract me, ones with Seungri, where we are so happy just being together, away from the rest of the world. This was always my happy place, i was safe here, where pain didn't exist, where warmth surrounded me like a large blanket and Seungri was here too, young and happy, the way he was meant to be.

A slicing pain rips me back from my happy place and a strangled cry leaves my lips, muffled by his hand covering my mouth. 'no, please, I don't want to be here for this, let me go back... I want to be with Seungri.'

"Fuck ups like you should feel the pain, you don't get to be loved tenderly, you should feel all of it, this is what you deserve" he hisses out at me, in between short breaths as he 'punishes' me."Look at him, why would he ever love you? You're nothing but a fuck up after all, and now he knows just how disgusting you are" he says harshly into my ear.