Letting love in (GTop)

Show me your weakness and i'll give you strength

~Daesung~

"Come on, open it, open it" Youngbae says jumping up and down on the balls of his feet like a child about to get a present.

I chuckle and shake my head "calm down Bae, you're going to give yourself a brain aneurysm"

He giggles and settles down a bit, but still practically vibrates where he stands. I shake my head once again and lift the lip of the envelope, taking a deep breath, then pulling out the letter inside. I read over the letter, letting Youngbae sweat it out for a couple seconds before his whiny voice interrupts me.

"Daesung, come on, what does it say?" He asks with an adorable pout on his face.

I look up from the page with a small frown on my face and his eyes crinkle in worry.

"Dae... I'm... I"

I laugh and let a face splitting grin spread across my face "I got in"

He blinks at me, then his eyes widen to almost normal size and the grin the stretches across his face is beautiful, once again pulling his eyes back to tiny slits in my favorite eye smile we both share.

"You got in?... As in we're going to the same university?" He asks in that cute little rushed way he does when he's excited.

I nod and hand him the letter "full acceptance, love"

Youngbae suddenly squeals and before I know what's happening, I'm tackled onto Bae's bed, and I'm covered in my silly, overexcited boyfriend. Bae ends up straddling me, holding the sides of my face and squeezing my cheeks.

"We're going to be together, Dae" he says in the happiest tone, I've heard out of him in a while.

I snort and nod, once he releases my face "yeah... did you really not think I would get in?"

His eyes widen briefly and he places his hands out in a sort of defense "no, no. Don't even think that"

I reach up, caressing his cheek gently "then what's going on up there, love? Why were you so worried?"

Youngbae sighs and lowers his head, almost seeming ashamed "I was worried that you wouldn't get in, but because of my own stupid doubts, not because you couldn't get in"

"What do you mean, your own doubts?" I ask, sitting up, still with Bae straddling me.

Youngbae situates himself on my lap, his arms reaching out, and grasping onto my shoulders to stabilize himself, while he stares at me sadly "I was scared we'd get separated, I was worried you'd get into some fancy school before you got into the one I got into and then you'd change your mind about us going together... and you know that long distance relationships never work out in college... I don't want to lose you, especially when I just got you"

I smile and lean into him, snuggling into his chest and taking a deep breath of the man in my arms "I love you, Bae. Why would I ever want to leave you? How do you think I could leave you?"

Youngbae shrugs and holds me tighter "just my own stupid insecurities, I guess. Sometimes I doubt that you even like me, or if we got together because you love me or because it was comfortable and convenient"

I take a deep breath, finally understanding. Youngbae is a strong, confident person usually, but sometimes, Youngbae loses faith in himself, and doubts everything he's usually so sure about. It's brought on from him being stressed and over worrying, till he makes himself sick. I hate when he gets like this because he's such a beautiful, funny, and happy person, but when he lets himself get stressed, he becomes the worst version of himself and transforms into his own enemy. He lets all of the doubt and fear of failure eat him alive till he's not certain of anything, till he's falling apart because in his mind, the world he knows is doing the same.