Letting love in (GTop)

Demons never really leave you

~Seunghyun~

A loud piercing giggle erupts through the air, nearly forcing all of the oxygen from my lungs and my heart to still for a couple of seconds. I look up from the mound of sand I couldn't even bring myself to call a sand castle, to find Ji playing on the edge of the water, running down to the waves when they recede and then running away giggling and screaming like a child when they come back. I have to admit, it's one of the cutest damn things I've ever seen, and soon I find myself grinning like an idiot at my adorable boyfriend.

I can't really help it though, I've been doing nothing but smiling since I woke up this morning, it feels like a weight that had been threatening to crush me for so long has finally lifted off of me. I actually feel a light inside of my chest that I forgot I could even feel. Ji said he loves me even after I told him the truth about Ravi and my past. Ji loves me despite my scars and I can't help but feel really lucky to have him in my life.

Last night before I fell asleep with the man I love in my arms, I discovered that I have no more anger left towards what happened. I no longer feel this concaving feeling in my chest when I think back to that time. Wether this is a result of how happy I am with Ji, or that I've actually allowed myself to forgive, I'm unsure... but I do know that I don't care of the reason. I'm happy, Ji is happy, and for the first time in my life I feel like I can have a good life, a life I never felt I deserved until Ji came into it.

"Seung, come play with me" Ji calls out, motioning me to join him.

I chuckle and stand up, dusting my pants off while abandoning the poor excuse of a sand castle at my feet and run toward the boy calling for my attention, which I am more than happy to give.

.......

"Oh look at this one Seung" Ji holds up a beautifully shaped seashell, that's covered in multiple colors, and edged in a translucent shiny film.

"It's pretty, reminds me of you baby" I state admiring the shell.

Ji giggles and moves so he's snuggling with his back against my chest, and his body in between my legs. Ji looks up at the sky and sighs almost sadly "I don't want this day to end Seung"

I smile and snake my arms around him "me either baby, but we can come back I promise, grandma would love it if we visited more"

Ji cheers up almost instantly "really?"

I nod "of course"

"Well you see that might be a bit difficult if you're in the hospital" a voice that neither belongs to Ji or me says.

A cold shiver pulses through my body and my arms reflexively tightens around Ji "what do you want Yoon?"

Seungyoon laughs darkly "I want to know what you're doing here Seung... I thought we warned you about what would happen if you came back"

I sigh "that was almost three years ago, don't you think it's about time we move on"

Yoon moves around me so I can clearly see the boy and I have to admit, he looks rough, like these past couple of years has really done him in. His face is almost at an unhealthy white, and his eyes are deep red, surrounded in dark black circles, almost giving him a panda appearance, but more sickly.

"Yoon, I don't want to fight you man, I just came back to see my grandma and show Ji around. Just act like you never saw me and we'll go on with our lives" I say standing up and pulling Ji with me, pushing him a little behind me.

Ji clings to my shirt and presses his head against the back of my shoulder. His hand slips into mine, almost as if he's trying to anchor me to him. I don't know why he's doing it until I feel a little bit of calm spread over me and I get it. Ji's not scared, he's worried about me, he's trying to give me strength. I squeeze his hand, letting him know that I'm alright, and for the hundredth time today I feel lucky to have him.