Letting love in (GTop)

Some scars run too deep

~Jiyong~

I blink slowly, squeezing my eyelids together trying to force away the familiar sting from lack of sleep. I didn't sleep for longer than an hour at best last night, and for someone who's been sleeping like a log since the night i was released from the hospital, this extent of tired threatens me useless at the moment.

Even with my bear of a boyfriend snuggling into me and the calming rythem of Taemins quiet snores, I was still kept awake by the constant swirls of thoughts and worry circling in my head.

I figured i wouldn't get much sleep anyway, but i had no idea that it would be this bad. I blink hard once again, the sting trying to keep my eyes from opening. I place my palm flat against my eyelid and rub it back and forth trying to clear some of the fuzziness away.

I guess the conversation i had last night with my dad didn't help the situation and all it did was force doubt into my head. What if he's right? What if she tries to get to me like she use to? What if i actually let her?

I groan and shove another bite of food into my mouth, trying to pull up the conversation i had with my dad and Hwa Yun about what's happening today. Taking into account every detail as if there's something within the memory that'll make it acceptable for me to run back to my room and snuggle into Seunghyun and his mini version teddy bear.

......

I hesitantly slid the piece of paper across the table, avoiding my dad's gaze as it tries to forcefully pull out the information he wants to know without having to ask. I swallow hard under his scrutinizing eyes, trying not to lose my nerve.

"What is this Jiyong? I swear to god if you two eloped" he says motioning between Seunghyun and me "you know Minji and Hwa Yun will kill you for depriving them of the opportunity to plan your wedding"

My eyes widen and i choke on air for a second "no, oh god no"

"God no?" Seunghyun buts in, forcing a frustrated sigh out of my mouth as i throw my head back.

"That's not how I meant it" I mumble.

Seunghyun lifts an eyebrow "then how did you mean it?"

"Yeah, I thought you two moved on past this stage, Ji do you not want to marry Seung? Have you talked to Dr. Park about this?" My dad asks in a mocking tone, seeming to take a sick sort of pleasure in my misery.

"Knock it off you two, Ji, what is it you want to talk about sweetie?" Hwa Yun forces the conversation back on track, with a reprimanding look at my boyfriend and father and i shoot her a grateful expression.

I take a deep breath, hoping some bravery will stir up in my chest "i got this a couple of moths ago and the date suggested is marked for tomorrow and i just wanted you two to be involved, i don't want to hide this from you"

My dad gives me a curious glance, before doing the same to the folded paper on the table before him. Without a word he picks the paper up and unfolds it, his eyes skimming the page before his expression hardens and he slams the paper down onto the table.

"Absolutely not" he says "end of discussion"

I pinch the bridge of my nose at his stubbornness "this is not a discussion, this is just me informing you of what is going to happen, this is my choice dad and I've decided to go see her"

"No, Jiyong, i won't allow you to see that woman. After everything she's done to you, after everything she put you through, why would you even want to? That woman managed to do nothing but get into your head and fuck with your thinking since you were a little boy. I'm not letting you near that woman. I don't know what she wants but she's not using you to get it"