Letting love in (GTop)

I wont say Goodbye

~Jiyong~

I roll over in my deep fog, my eyes feel heavy and slightly puffy, and I have a small headache pulling at edges of my skull. All of the crying last night is really doing me in. Even after we got Seunghyun calmed down, he still cried himself to sleep, which made me shed some tears along with him. Honestly it breaks my heart to see him go through this. I have no idea why and I feel absolutely crazy for feeling like this, but i feel like something good will come out of this struggling, like maybe on the other side of this terrible storm, is the most amazing sunset we will ever see.

I peek my eyes open and blink a couple times till the clock on my bedside table becomes focused. The numbers of 12:38 flashes angrily at me, a small groan leaves my lips and I stretch out slowly careful not to wake the sleeping boy next to me. I roll back over to my original position to find the most beautiful face waiting for me. Practically begging for me to reach out and let my fingers explore every inch, though i resist becuase i don't want to wake him up.

I smile as my eyes ghost over every little detail of his perfect face, his amazing eyes, that even while closed hold a deep intensity that threatens to capture me and never let me go. Seunghyun's artfully sculpted cheekbones, which fit perfectly against his cute little nose, just above his amazingly smooth and soft lips that I can spend all day kissing. My exploration ends on his strong, defined jawline, that's perfect in its very creation. I decide that a slight touch won't hurt, but before my fingers can reach their desired target, a voice filles the once silent room.

"Are you watching me sleep?" That rough and deep voice questions me in that sexy morning voice of his that shoots straight to my groin.

I laugh "what if I am? I'm aloud to look at things that belong to me aren't I?"

Seunghyun chuckles and reaches out his arms "come here"

I bite my lip, I want so desperately to do so. To fold myself into his arms, form our own little happy bubble, and forget the world, but I know we need to get up. It's getting late and we need to go do the dreaded thing we're all procrastinating on. I think even Hwa Yun is debating against waking us up because i keep hearing her footsteps outside the door every couple of minutes.

"Seung, you know we have to go soon" I say with a sad sigh.

Seunghyun finally opens his eyes and finds mine, almost pleading with me for everything that happened yesterday to just be a bad dream. My chest constricts at that face, and i immediately decide that i hate that face, i hate the idea of Seung being in any type of pain.

I reach out and caress his cheek "I know, I'm sorry, but we need to do it"

Seunghyun sighs deeply and reaches out, pulling my body to him, i don't protest because honestly i want to be held just as much as he wants to hold me, but still my mind is screaming at me not to give in completly. I'm about to open my mouth to once again remind the older about our job today, but he beats me to the punch.

"I can't wait till we go to college, till it's just you and me in our own little world. Where none of this shit breaks through, just us in our happy life" Seunghyun says, snuggling me against his chest.

"Seung, we can't shut out the whole world, trust me, no matter how much pain you feel... shuting out the world doesn't work, it just pushes it away for a while, waiting for that one moment you let it all back in and nearly die from the surpressed pain. I agree, i can't wait till we start our own lives, till we begin our own chapter, but we can't shut out the world Seung... we'll just have to figure out how to fight the darkness together" I say, explaining something that took me years to understand.

Seunghyun pulls back and looks at me, a slight vulnerability resting in his eyes that is new to me "together?"

I smile "of course Seung, i'm not going to leave you alone through any of this, you don't have to do this on your own. I know you've been alone your whole life, you've never gotten to depend on anyone, but not anymore. I'm right here Seung, you can trust me. We'll do this together"