Fix Me (Alternative ending)

Chapter 78

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide, eating disorders

Also happy new year, it's nearly midnight for me

A mug of tea in his hand, Remington leans against the side, looks at Andy. "So..." he says, somewhat awkwardly.

Andy sips his drink. "We need to have a talk," he decides, adding on, "a calm talk, where we both say exactly how we're feeling."

Remington nods.

"I want this to work. The time without you has been awful. But," he sighs, "I don't want to force it. I don't want to push the marriage if we can't do it anymore."

The boy looks at his tea. "I don't think I could handle you going again."

"Neither do I," Andy says, "which is why we need to talk about everything."

Remington nods again.

"We can't have this conversation if we're not both willing to, right? I don't want to force you into telling me things you don't want to. That's not how a healthy marriage works."

"I know."

"So I'm gonna ask you a question and I need an honest answer, okay?"

"Okay."

Andy sips his tea before continuing. "Do you trust me? Like really, genuinely trust me."

Remington looks at him. "Yes," he answers, "of course I do."

"Tell me why you wanted to end it, then. What made you say that?"

"I was scared."

"Of?"

The boy sighs. "Of letting you down."

"Why would you have let me down?"

"Just...I was lying to you."

Andy sits on the kitchen counter. "I know. And I was trying to help you. I knew you were struggling and I wanted to help you." He pauses to sip the tea. "And clearly you were struggling more than I thought because you chose to break up with me instead of just telling me what was going on."

Remington looks down, ashamed. "I...Andy, I'm sorry."

"Just tell me why. Because I don't want our relationship to fall apart, Remington, believe me. I don't want to live the rest of my life the way I lived these past six months. I've been so close to just fuckin' ending it and finding you last night made me so hopeful and I can't lose that now."

"I was overwhelmed. I hadn't been taking to Abigail and-"

"Are you talking to her now?"

Remington nods. "I wasn't then and I knew I should've been and then when you asked me about it I felt terrible and didn't know how to explain it without sounding like a complete idiot."

"You should know by now, Rem, that I'll never think you stupid for telling me when something's wrong. You've seemed like more of an idiot for what ended up happening than what would have happened if you just told me this when I asked."

"I never wanted this to happen."

"I know. No one wanted this to happen." He chuckles. "Maybe Emerson did."

Remington rolls his eyes.

"My point is, kitty, is that I need you to understand that the way you handled it really hurt me. I'm sure it hurt you, too."

"It did."

"And I think that something needs to change so this doesn't happen again."

"I know."

Andy circles a finger around the top of the mug. "But I also think that I'm willing to come back and move back in and we can figure it out, because I love you and you're too important to me to just not try."

Remington nods.

"But I need to know that you are willing, too."

"I am, I promise."

"Good." He smiles. "And more importantly than any of that, I need you to give me the pills and have some breakfast."

Sighing, the boy puts his mug down. "But I don't want to."

"I know, and it's okay." Andy gets off the counter, puts his mug down too, and rubs Remington's shoulder. "You're doing so well, sweetie, the first thing I thought when I saw you was wow, he is owning recovery. Let's not let it slip now."

"Okay."

Andy kisses his head. "Good boy. Go get them. What would you like for breakfast?"

"A kiss?"

"Have three," the older murmurs, kissing him three times. "I'll have a search through your fridge, alright? Unless you're hiding a body?"

"Oh no, how'd you know?"

Andy hums, smiles. "Go on, get the pills. I'm gonna fuckin' burn them, I swear."

Remington gives Andy the container of diet pills, watches him tip them dramatically into the toilet while singing the words 'goodbye, motherfuckers' in a high voice. Andy flushes the toilet, stands on the plastic container, throws the pieces into the bin, and pulls Remington into a hug.

"The world knew I needed you," Remington says, while he watches Andy stir porridge. "You came just in time."

"Not the only time I came for you, is it?"

"Shut up."

Andy chuckles.

"Can you put cinnamon in it?"

"Sure can."

"Did you buy another house?"

The older hums. "Why?"

"Can I see it?"

"'course you can."

Remington smiles. "I know I handled it badly," he says, "and I know I hurt you. It's my fault that it happened and I know that. And...fuck, I feel so shit, Andy, for doing that to you. After everything you've done for me, I can't believe I would do that to you. Like fuck, I'm so sorry." He takes a bowl from the man, thanks him. "And I understand completely if you wanna just go, 'cause I've been so shitty to you and you deserve better."

Andy sits at the breakfast bar with Remington. "Thank you," he says sincerely, "that's so good of you to say. I don't wanna go. You have been shitty but it's okay. I understand. We've both been shitty. I shouldn't have left like I did. It must've been so hard for you to deal with." He squeezes honey into his bowl and hands it to Remington. "And after all, I love you and I need you."

"You're too nice, I swear."

"Oh, I know."

"I take that back."

The man chuckles. "We're gonna be okay, okay? I know we are."