Fix Me (Alternative ending)

Chapter 5

Trigger warning- talk of abuse

Abigail closes the door behind Remington, who steps into the familiar, calming room. "How are we doing today?" She asks, giving Remington time to sit down while she picks up her note pad.

The boy looks at his wrists and the new bracelet Andy got him. He shrugs.

"What did you tell Andy your number was this morning?"

Remington shrugs again. "Nothing 'cause he doesn't ask anymore."

"What is your number? Can you tell me?"

The boy is quiet for a moment. He hasn't been in much of a talking mood since finding out who the stalker was. "Dunno, something around thirty." He unclasps the bracelet and passes it from hand to hand.

Abigail, as usual, pours him a glass of water. "You said Andy doesn't ask anymore?"

"He hasn't for-like-three weeks, 'nd-'nd is it 'cause he doesn't-'cause he doesn't care anymore?"

"I'm sure that's not the case. Have you asked him about it? Perhaps he just hasn't realised you still want him to ask."

Remington shakes his head. "'s no point."

"Why'd you think that?" She watches him pick up the glass with one hand, the bracelet enclosed in his other.

"Just 'cause I should jus' deal with it. 'nd just-like-stop being so sensitive all the time. It must-it must send everyone crazy. Does it send you crazy?"

"Of course not. And there's nothing wrong with being sensitive, Remington. Specially after what you've experienced, it's completely okay to be feeling vulnerable."

"But I-but I make everything so hard for everyone." He puts the glass down and resumes passing the bracelet between his hands.

Abigail opens a drawer in the filing cabinet beside her chair. "That's not true. You need people around you so you feel safe and you rely on them sometimes and that's okay. It'd be strange if you didn't need anyone." She pulls out a new notepad, since hers is nearly full, and closes the drawer.

"Yeah, but...it's just-I kept shouting at Andy for not believing me when I said the stalker was Holly's brother and I was wrong and I-he didn't deserve that and what if he's just tired of me and all my bullshit?"

"It's okay to be wrong sometimes, Remington. That doesn't make you any less of a person. You're acknowledging that you were wrong and you're learning from it and that's how it should be."

"Holly always said I was always wrong and I should-'nd I should never speak 'cause no one wants to hear what I wanna say."

"Holly was awful to you. Nothing in how she treated you was remotely okay. She only said things like that because she knew it'd you and you'd go back for validation. It was a strategy, Remington."

"How'd she know I would go back for validation?"

"Because that's what people who rely on others tend to do. You feel better when you're with Andy, don't you? It makes you feel good about yourself when he compliments you, yes?"

Remington nods.

"Right, and it's the same thing with emotional abuse. She knew she was hurting you by insulting you and calling you those names. She wanted to do that. And she knew you wouldn't leave because you need someone to tell you you're good enough to feel good enough."

"But I-but she never said I was good enough."

"No, she didn't need to. You stayed because you wanted her to and you hung onto every little backhanded compliment until the way she was treating you felt normal to you. She made you think that you were better with her than you would have been without her."

Remington looks down at his hands. They've talked about what Holly did countless times and he's surprised that Abigail isn't annoyed by how much he brings it up. He's annoyed by how much he brings it up. "I thought that she loved me and that's why she-that's why she hurt me. 'cause she wanted to get rid of everything that's-everything that's wrong with me. And I-and I thought it was 'cause she was trying to help."

"I know. She wasn't trying to help you, though. She was trying to make you dependent on her so you would never leave." Abigail looks at Remington, at how pained he seems today. "Why're you so desperate to talk about it? We haven't spoken about this for a while."

"I was just thinking about it 's all." He hesitates. "'nd I feel like I'm making Andy feel like Holly made me feel sometimes."

The woman sits up straight. "Do you wanna tell me why?"

"Well...it's just-we never talk about how he's feeling and he always does things that I want but I don't know if he really does things that he wants."

"Okay. When he brings up his feelings, do you listen and give him time to talk about them?"

"I would but he never talks about them at all. Like-I don't ever really know how he's feeling."

"That's not something to blame yourself for, Remington. If he's not telling you then that's something he's choosing to do."

"But what if he's not telling me because he thinks I don't care? I do care."

"Then that's something you two need to talk about."

"What if I'm as bad as Holly?"

"You're not. I can promise you that. If you have doubts about how much Andy trusts you, that's something you need talk about with him."

The boy sighs. He finishes off the water. "God, I'm such a bad husband," he mumbles, "I should've just let myself die when she stabbed me."

"No, Remington, you're not a bad husband."

Remington doesn't reply. He can't stop playing with the bracelet between his fingers, as though the moment he stop moving his hands, something terrible will happen.

"Have a good talk with Andy, okay? I want you to do that before our next session."

The boy nods but he's sure he won't do that.