Fix Me (Alternative ending)

Chapter 75

Trigger warning: Mentions of eating disorders

Alternative Press: Andy Black (Biersack) announces a fourth solo album, has fans overjoyed.
"It's very exciting," said Biersack, "to be given the time and the opportunities to do this."

(Is this where you expected this year to go?)

"No, not at all. An unexpected change in my life brought this on. I'm just happy to be able to do this."

(An unexpected change?)

"Me and my husband mutually decided to split. Not forever, I hope. But the shock of it made me desperate for a release and so I wrote song after song after song," Biersack explained, "naturally, a couple of the songs are about him. I just hope that everyone listening can understand how I'm feeling- how we were feeling when this decision came to pass."

Three weeks have been and gone since that interview. Remington reads it over and over because he can hear the words in Andy's voice. He's started relapsing again. When he lives alone, it's easy. Skip a meal here, throw up there. Kieran has no idea about his eating disorder. Remington archived everything on his Instagram that said something about it, made his brothers keep it a secret.

Today, two weeks after the trip to the beach, he's driving to an interview. After he was told Epitaph wanted Palaye Royale to tour as soon as they signed, he told his brothers that he won't do that and, if they want to take the deal, he'll leave the band and kick off a solo career. Both Emerson and Sebastian were surprised at that, but agreed. They didn't want to lose the deal and Remington seemed happy with it.

In fact, he is very happy with it. He loves that he's a solo artist now, that all the decisions are made by him, that he writes everything and has control over it all.

"Thanks for coming," the interviewer smiles, once they're sat down.

Remington smiles, thanks her for inviting him.

"I'm joined here with Remington Leith," she begins, "you may know him from Palaye Royale, but if I'm correct, you're no longer in that band."

"That's right."

"It must've been a big decision to leave, I imagine."

Remington shrugs. "It felt right. I'm still very close with my brothers, of course. I always will be. They're happy with the new singer. I see you, Adrian, you're a legend. And I'm happy with how my first album is going."

The woman smiles. "Can you give us any hints?"

"Well...it's not something you've heard from me before. Palaye has always been very rocky. My solo stuff is more pop punk, in a sense. Still rock music, I assure you, but more fun, if I can say that without my brothers attacking me." He laughs to himself. "I spent a lot more time focusing on the words than I did in Palaye. I think many of the songs are much more personal."

"Could you give us a theme that crops up throughout?"

The boy passes the microphone from one hand to the other. "Um, well, without spoiling it, there is a reoccurring idea of confusion and, I guess, misunderstanding."

"And of course, you've never written songs by yourself before, right? You've always done it with your brothers?"

"Yes, exactly. Which is why this is different. In Palaye, we all had ideas. We would fight a lot, actually, because we had opposing thoughts on the way a guitar riff should sound, or how I should do the backing vocals, or whether it should be this word or that, y'know? Now, it's completely my decision, and I must say, it's pretty damn exciting."

"Your album is called 'What's Lost Is Found Again', correct? Does that hold any weight to the songs inside?"

"Oh yes, absolutely. I think it'll be very obvious when you hear to understand why I'm calling it that."

"It sounds fascinating. Now, I've been given questions by fans who've sent them in."

"Oh great! Let's here 'em."

"This is from Frances in Italy. She says 'Hi Remington, who's your biggest inspiration?'"

"Hi Frances! Good question. Now, see, it depends on if you mean a celebrity inspiration, y'know, like someone I look up to, if you mean someone I know personally."

"How about both?"

"Gerard way, of course. And I think my big brother, Sebastian. Couldn't live without him."

"This is from Olivia, who asks 'Who's your favourite brother?'"

"Oh fuck you, Olivia, now one of 'em is gonna hate me." He laughs. "I'm sorry, Em, but it's gotta be Sebastian."

"'Jasmine wonders how your hair is so shiny."

Remington laughs. "I use woman's shampoo. Changed my life."

After the interview, he sits back in his new car, which he bought after Andy left and took the black one, and opens the glove box. Inside, there's a white bag from the pharmacy, and in there...

Well, you should be able to work that one out.

Remington turns the bottle around in his hands, the pills rattling inside. He hasn't opened it, not yet. It's been in the car for four days, untouched, unknown by anyone but him. They're the same ones. He knows these work. They make him feel shaky and vacant but they work and that's all he cares about.

The boy looks at them, hesitates, and unscrews the child locked cap. He tips six of the tablets into his hand, looks out the window and windscreen, paranoid that someone will see, and, once he's satisfied no one is looking, tips his head back, lifts his hand to his mouth, and swallows them dry, closing his eyes as he gulps and putting the container back in the bag.

It's all okay now.

Remington waits for a moment, calming his shakiness, before starting the car and driving home. It's a new house. New for him, anyway. He sold the one he lived in with Andy. Didn't want the reminders of the man everywhere.

This house is different. Less personal, he thinks. But it's nice. As nice as it can get when Andy isn't here and he's about to crash and no one will know until it happens.