Fix Me (Alternative ending)

Chapter 47

Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide, self harm, anorexia

Palaye Royale: Hi, it's Remington! I stupidly forgot my own password so I'm stealing the band account to say that I'm giving away 50 online meet and greet tickets. You'll have the chance to talk to me and Andy for a few minutes, as us any questions you have (that aren't about anything too personal) and a screenshot selfie thingy with us. Can't wait to see your beautiful faces!!!

Andy Biersack: I love how u didn't even ask if I wanted to do this hahaha
User 1: @andybiersack it's because you two are practically one person at this point.
Palaye Royale: @andybiersack @user1 it's because I don't know technology and Andy does and I also don't know how to be social and talk and Andy does mostly, and also because I love Andy and it's physically impossible for me to do anything without him :)

Remington sits in his usual spot at Abigail's, talking as she sits down. "Some girl was a bitch to me," he says, "in the studio the other day. I was trying to give her and her band advice, y'know, because I've been in the music industry for years, and she insulted my weight, said she won't take my advice because I'm obviously not healthy, and didn't even apologise."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"Upset and hurt and I wanted to die." He sighs. "And this morning I shouted at Andy."

"Why?"

Remington looks down. "'cause he asked how I slept and I haven't slept well and I shouted at him because it's not fair that he gets to sleep properly and I don't."

"How did he respond?"

"He just tried to calm me down and I kept shouting."

"Do you know why you aren't sleeping well?"

"No, because I'm so tired!" He rubs his eyes. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Are you having bad dreams?"

Remington shakes his head.

"Bad thoughts?"

"Mhm."

Abigail pours him a glass of water. "What sort of bad thoughts? Can you explain them to me so I can help you get rid of them?"

"Just, like..." he picks up the glass and sips the water. "Like, telling me to hurt myself and shit. I've been scratching again."

"Are they telling you anything else? And we can work on the scratching, Remington."

"And telling me that I should'a stayed with Holly 'cause she treated me how I deserve to be treated and Andy's too good to me and I should've just been less pathetic and just taken the abuse like a man. And also I should drown myself in the bath so no one has to deal with my bullshit and I don't have to deal with my bullshit and the whole world would be better if I just killed myself." He swirls the water around in the glass, avoiding his therapist's gaze. "And sometimes they tell me to go to a dodgy club and get raped again."

Abigail watches him as he talks.

"And I wanna tell Andy but every time I try I can't 'cause it's like the people in my head don't trust him and what if I start not trusting him, too?"

"What happens when you try and tell him?"

"I get all choked up like my voice won't work and nothing comes out and then I shout because it's frustrating."

"When you get these thoughts, how do you deal with them?"

"I just have learned that they won't go away so now they're part of my life all the time."